The Soul Society Tales
by Satan Abraham
Summary: Random Bleach oneshots. Rated T because the majority of them will be.
1. Cliches and Heartbeats

**Title: Clichés and Heartbeats**

**Word Count: 285**

**Originally Posted: April 31, 2011**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: Because Tesla, Orihime realized, was a startlingly handsome Arrancar.**

**Genre: Romance**

**Characters/Pairings: Tesla/Orihime**

**Extra Notes: Yeah, I just completely rewrote this one. Same concept, completely different wording.**

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><p>She could feel his heartbeat. Pressed up against the blonde Arrancar, Orihime could only watch helplessly as Ichigo was mercilessly beaten by a certain, horrifying, fifth Espada. Of course, this whole situation could be worse; she could be dead, or back in her holding cell.<p>

As the fight (if you could call it that) progressed, she shrunk into him, enjoying the feel of his arm locked around her throat. She fought the urge to look up at him, to gaze at his seemingly perfect features – because Tesla, Orihime realized, was a startlingly handsome Arrancar. Not as attractive as Grimmjow, she supposed, but cute all the same.

She was just picking out the features of the oh-so-attractive Arrancar because, honestly, she had nothing else to do. Locked up in her room for hours, she'd taken to writing down lists of her 'Top Five Hottest Arrancar', 'Top Five Most Repulsive Arrancar', and 'Reasons I Hate This Place.' The last of the lists was the longest, with over fifty reasons.

Briging her mind back to the present, Orihime tensed as Nnoitra dealt a particularly vicious blow. Tesla looked down at her, confusion evident in his dark eyes. "It will be over soon," he said in a low voice. "One way or the other."

For some reason, she felt comforted. There was really no reason why she should feel comforted; after all, he was practically saying that Ichigo was going to die. It was just his voice, she supposed. The soothing, amazing voice was the thing she liked about him.

At that moment, she didn't care about anything. She was content to stay here in his arms forever.

She didn't care how cliché that sounded.


	2. Fate

**Title: Fate**

**Word Count: 542**

**Originally Posted: June 29, 2011**

**Rating: K+**

**Summary: With Orihime gone, Mizuiro was all Tatsuki had left.  
><strong>

**Genre: Friendship/Hurt/Comfort  
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**Characters/Pairings: Slight Mizuiro/Tatsuki  
><strong>

**Extra Notes: I didn't edit this one; it was one of the few good ones in there.**

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><p>The monotonous tone of her alarm clock woke Tatuski up at 5:30 AM, as usual. She went through the motions of getting ready for the day; a quick jog, a shower, and breakfast.<p>

As she walked out the door, her phone buzzed in her pocket. Flipping it open, she was surprised to find a text from Mizuiro.

_**You ok?**_

Tatsuki almost smiled. Mizuiro might not be Orihime, but…he was being nice, choosing to talk to her over his numerous girlfriends.

_**I'm fine.**_

Mizuiro must have been satisfied with her answer, because there were no more following texts.

As soon as she got to school, however, he was waiting for her. Ignoring Keigo, the black-haired high schooler made a beeline for Tatsuki.

"Tatsuki, I know you're not okay," he started.

Before he could say anything else, Tatsuki glared at him. "I'm fine," she said through gritted teeth.

Mizuiro reached for her. Purely by instinct, she punched him in the face, sending him reeling backward, clutching his eye.

Tatsuki turned around and began to walk away. She didn't want him – or anyone, for that matter – to see her cry. Because she wasn't find. She missed Orihime….and knowing that she was being held captive made it all worse.

"Tatsuki-" She felt a hand grab her shoulder.

She spun around, forcing Mizuiro's hand off of her shoulder. He was gazing, wide-eyed, at her. _Perfect picture of innocence. _She thought wryly.

"Tatsuki…if you want..we could go somewhere alone, so you could tell me what's wrong?" he asked, keeping a safe distance away from her in case she decided to hit him again.

Tatsuki glanced at Keigo, who was making kissy-faces, and then at the small crowd that had quickly gathered. _My reputation will definitely take a dive if I go with him-eh, who cares, anyway? _"Sure."

"Come with me." Mizuiro took her hand and pulled her away from the school, ignoring the giggles of their classmates.

_He's good at ignoring things._

Eventually, after wandering the streets of Karakura for a bit, they stopped at a small café.

Mizuiro opened the door, setting off a ding that alerted the employees of their presence. A pretty, bright-eyed woman who was wiping off tables looked up. "Oh, hello Mizuiro!"

"Can we use the back room?"

The waitress nodded. "You know where it is."

Mizuiro smiled. "Thanks, Meiri." He led Tatsuki behind the counter and through a small door. Once he closed the door and turned on the light, he turned to her.

"Are we in a storage closet?"

"Something like that," Mizuiro admitted. His hand, while brushing away a stray piece of hair, touched his injured eye. "Ow. Did it bruise?"

Tatsuki nodded. It didn't just bruise; it was a wonderful, deep purple. "Sorry."

Mizuiro shook his head. "Anyway, what's wrong? I know-" he was cut off by Tatsuki bursting into tears.

_I…I don't know what's happening. Why am I crying? I'm acting like a girl. _Tatsuki thought, tears running down her face. Mizuiro looked torn. He reached out to her, then quickly pulled back. _He thinks I'm going to hit him again._

Eventually, Mizuiro wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry into his chest. Her fingers clutched at his shirt, bringing them closer together.

Fate was odd sometimes.

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><p><strong>Come on, you have to admit they'd be completely ADORABLE together. <strong>


	3. Love Note

**Title: Love Note  
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**Word Count: 623  
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**Originally Posted: June 11, 2011**

**Rating: T  
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**Summary: Shuuhei has never been any good at writing love notes.  
><strong>

**Genre: Romance/Humor  
><strong>

**Characters/Pairings: Shuuhei/Rangiku, Izuru/Rangiku  
><strong>

**Extra Notes: I love this one. :3  
><strong>

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><p>She was suffering. He could tell. Despite her smiles, jokes, and games, she was suffering.<p>

If he ever saw Gin Ichimaru again he would kill the bastard.

Shuuhei could accept the two together when the silver-haired freak was there for her, but..after the…incident, he didn't think he could trust any man with his precious Rangiku.

Because with Gin gone, she was his.

That may sound a bit possessive, but…well, he'd waited so long! He'd liked her for so long, and now she was free.

And that's why he was sitting in his office, chewing on the end of his pen, staring at a blank piece of paper, trying to write her a love note. He'd already realized he wouldn't ever be able to walk up to her and go, "Hey, Rangiku. I think I'm in love with you," so he was going to try the secret admirer approach, which had resulted in a pile of crumpled papers reaching up to his desk and a blank mind.

"Dear Rangiku…" Shuuhei muttered. "I have noticed for quite some-" he broke off abruptly, crumpling the paper and throwing it aside. "How am I supposed to write something that she won't just toss aside? I know she gets _tons _of love letters a day, how will mine stick out-Aha!" The shinigami dropped the pen and bolted out of the room.

He was back three minutes later, lugging a gigantic stack of bright pink paper. He dropped it on his desk, panting. _Now to actually write it…_

Four and a half hours later, Shuuhei Hisagi emerged from his office, victoriously holding the pink piece of paper above his head. He rushed toward Squad 10, ignoring the odd looks his subordinates gave him.

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><p>Rangiku Matsumoto was shifting through her pile of love letters, something that had become a daily chore for her. She'd given up on reading them, seeing as most of them said stuff like,<p>

**Lieutenant Matsumoto, you're the most beautiful woman in the Sereitei.**

**Rangiku, you've never seen me in your life, but I feel that I know you.**

And, there was always the occasional…

**MARRY ME OR I'LL SEND MY RABID, PINK-HAIRED LIEUTENANT AFTER YOU!**

But today, one of them caught her attention. Instead of the usual white, the paper this one was written on was bright pink. She unfolded the note carefully, skimming over the words.

**To my dearest Rangiku:**

**In the light of the recent betrayal, I wish to express my apologies for your loss.**

**Also, I wish to tell you something.**

**Normally, I would not pour my feelings into something as cliché as a love note, but today…I feel it is the only way.**

**Rangiku Matsumoto, I love you. Not only are you the most beautiful person (Yes, person. You are more beautiful than Fifth Seat Yumichika Ayasegawa of Squad 11, and you do not try half as hard as he does) in the universe, but you're kind, funny, and an all-around amazing person.**

**I look forward to speaking with you tonight. Please meet me by the Senkeimon at 7:30.**

**Love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

A small smile tugged at the edges of her lips. "Only one person could be this poetic…"

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><p>Shuuhei waited anxiously at the Senkeimon, tugging at his sleeves. <em>Is she going to come? <em>he wondered. _Was the…did the note stand out enough?_

His heart leapt when he saw the beautiful Lieutenant rushing toward him. To his dismay, she rushed right past him, calling "Hey Shuuhei! Waiting for someone?" over her shoulder. He turned, watching her, as she ran up to Izuru Kira, who had been taking a walk. She gave the bewildered Lieutenant a kiss on the cheek and grabbed his hand, dragging him off to god-knows-where.

"Damn it." Shuuhei muttered. "Too poetic."

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><p><strong>This was fun to write. I do feel bad for Shuuhei, though. xD<strong>


	4. One of Those Days

**Title: One of Those Days**

**Word Count: 355**

**Pairing/Characters: Soi Fon and Izuru Kira**

**Summary: He was the best out of the lieutenants….or at least the least annoying.**

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><p>Today was one of those days. One of those days when, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't stop crying. It was stupid, she knew that. Miss Yoruichi was never coming back, no matter how much she wanted it to happen.<p>

She didn't want anyone to see her cry, so she left the Squad Two barracks in a burst of reiatsu, leaving a very shocked eighth seat behind her.

Soi Fon had no idea where she was going, but she needed to escape. She needed to go as fast as she could, she needed to leave everything behind her. The trees were a blur, tears were flying off her face. She was a mess, and she had no idea what she was doing.

Eventually, after miles of running, she stopped by a stream, the last few tears dropping into the slow, shallow water. "C-captain Soi Fon?"

The dark-haired Shinigami whipped around, facing a very depressed-looking lieutenant. _What's his name again? Iduru…Izuru? Yes, Izuru Kira of Division Three. _"Lieutenant Kira," she said, turning her back to him, wiping the last tears out of her eyes.

Izuru walked a few paces and sat down in front of the stream, staring into the murky water. She was glad he wasn't pursuing the small streams of water that had previously been running down her face. Still, she wondered what he was doing here, in this small forest just outside of the Sereitei.

After a few minutes of silence, her curiosity took over. "What are you doing here?"

"Hm?" the blonde vice-captain looked up, startled. "Oh, um, just thinking."

"About what?"

Izuru was silent. Soi Fon sat down next to him, keeping her gray eyes on the man. "It's nothing you need to worry about."

Soi Fon turned her head away, looking across the stream. The duo sat there in silence, not moving until the sun set and stars began to show up. Soi Fon stood up, ready to leave.

As she left the small clearing, she turned back once more, studying him. _He's the best out of all of them, _she thought, smiling. _Or least annoying, anyway._

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><p><strong>Hey! Do any of you have a request? Something you want to see on here? Just leave a review, and it'll be done sometime. :3<strong>

**Also, I'm looking for a beta-reader. Someone who will be willing to look over these oneshots, and possibly the new Bleach story I'm planning on starting. It'll be epic, but I do kind of seriously need a beta, because I'm too lazy to edit my stories myself.**

**Don't worry, I looked over this one. x3**

**Kind of.  
><strong>


	5. The Unnamed Shinigami of Squad Twelve

**Title: The Unnamed Shinigami of Squad Twelve**

**Word Count: 306**

**Pairing/Characters: That one, unnamed soul reaper Mayuri killed when trying to get Orihime and Uryu. He was cool. **

**Summary: He just wanted to get out of there as fast as he could.**

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><p>He had wanted to serve under Lieutenant Hinamori from the start. But, Kazuki Namae wasn't the most talented of Shinigami. He was...somewhere around the lower-middle. He wouldn't go so far as the say he was the absolute worst, but...he definitely wasn't the best.<p>

He was a bit nervous when he was assigned to the Twelfth Division, but he didn't really have all that much choice in the matter, after all, he was just the lowly Kazuki Namae. That didn't mean he didn't listen to the rumors about Captain and Lieutenant Kurotsuchi, and that didn't mean that he wasn't scared to go to sleep at night...just because he didn't have a choice didn't mean that he didn't want to get out of there as fast as he could.

He thought he had gotten his big break when Captain Kurotsuchi told them about their assignment. After all, if he could get through this, he could be transferred to Lieutenant Hinamori's squad!

He did have to admit that he thought she was kind of cute – even her name was adorable. Momo Hinamori. No explanation needed.

There was something...off about his captain, though. Something that Kazuki couldn't place. It wasn't the face paint, although that was creepy in itself. It wasn't the fact that his daughter was a freaking robot (he had to admit she was kind of pretty, despite her robot-creepy-ness). It wasn't his screechy, screechy voice...oh, who was he kidding? Everything about his captain was fucked up.

He was laying down, trying to fall asleep. It was the night before his mission, and he couldn't sleep. He laid on his thin mattress, staring up at the darkened ceiling. Even while clutching his small, stuffed kitten to his chest, he couldn't sleep.

He just wanted to get out of there, and as fast as he could manage it.

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><p><strong>Seriously guys, request something. I'm running out of ideas. x3<strong>


	6. Repetition

**Title: Repetition **

**Word Count: 358**

**Pairing/Characters: Toshiro Hitsugaya, Rangiku Matsumoto, Izuru Kira**

**Summary: Two drunk lieutenants on his floor was generally not good – especially when those two were Rangiku Matsumoto and Izuru Kira. Requested by madin45, who wanted Toshiro to get mad at Rangiku. **

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><p>It was times like these that Toshiro Hitsugaya desperately wished he had a different lieutenant.<p>

She had been drinking on the job – again – and was passed out in the middle of the floor with Lieutenant Kira – again. At least some things never changed.

"Matsumoto." He nudged her with his foot tentatively, not knowing how exactly she would react. Most likely she'd jump up, scream, and ask him what he was doing there, completely forgetting that _she _was in _his _office.

Well, their office.

But he was the only one that ever did any work.

After a few more foot prods, he decided it would probably be easier to wake Lieutenant Kira. Toshiro didn't know how drunk the blonde Shinigami was, but it was probably less that Rangiku.

However, he wasn't any easier to wake than the former.

"Captain Ichimaru's back?" Toshiro said quietly, wondering if anything would happen.

As soon as the word 'Ichimaru' was uttered, both lieutenants jumped up, Kira swaying on his feet a bit. "C-captain Ichimaru?"

"No."

"Aw..." And with that, Lieutenant Kira was back on the floor, either sleeping or crying, Toshiro didn't know which. But, he didn't care about Izuru Kira. Yelling at Rangiku never got old.

"Captain, that was mean," Rangiku complained, tilting her head to the side as she examined her comrade. "You got both of our hopes up."

Toshiro sighed, bringing a hand to his head. "I don't _care. _How can you possibly get drunk in the middle of the day – bringing a member of another squad down with you as well – without expecting some sort of irritation? And Captain Kyoraku is not a good role model."

Rangiku bit her lower lip. "I'm sorry Captain, but 'Zuru was just so sad!"

"That's what he called me!"

Toshiro looked at the man on the floor, who was obviously sobbing. "Um, anyway-"

"And he had the same hair color! Will you be my new captain?"

Toshiro sighed. "Just, next time, would you not drink in here?"

Rangiku smiled. "'Course, Toshiro."

"It's Captain Hitsugaya!"

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><p><strong>Request. Request as much as you can. I have nothing lined up. x3<strong>


	7. Jealousy

**Title: Jealousy **

**Word Count: 314**

**Pairing/Characters: Nanao x Shunsui**

**Summary: She didn't know why she was jealous. But it wasn't because she liked him. Written for Emmy The Ice princess, who wanted a Shunsui and Nanao one.  
><strong>

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><p>She, honestly, had no idea why she was jealous. Sure, he was talking to another woman. Sure, she was pretty. But, Nanao shouldn't care.<p>

She had no feelings whatsoever for her captain. None at all.

But jealousy isn't a pleasant feeling, so she had to get Captain Kyoraku away from the other woman. He always had work to do; she could use that as an excuse.

"Captain, don't you have paperwork to do?" Nanao asked, tapping on his shoulder to get his attention.

"My sweet Nanao, can't that wait?" he asked, not turning his head away from the female Soul Reaper he was currently charming.

"_No,_ it cannot wait," Nanao said, clearly irritated. She glared at the woman, who squeaked out an apology and raced off, glancing back at the two a few times.

"Is my Nanao jealous?" Captain Kyoraku asked, turning around fully and giving her a gigantic, goofy smile and bringing a hand to her face.

"I am most certainly not jealous, and I am _not _your Nanao!" Nanao said through gritted teeth, sending her best glare toward him. He dropped the hand and stepped back. They began their walk back to the division in silence.

"Are you sure?"

Nanao jumped; she'd been lost in thought and, honestly, wouldn't have noticed if he had run off. "About what?"

"Are you sure that you weren't jealous?"

For once, there was a serious tone in his voice. It made Nanao consider whether she should answer his question truthfully, or just keep to her mentally prepared script. Deciding keeping strong would be her best bet, Nanao replied, "I'm sure."

It was obvious he didn't believe her. Thankfully, he didn't pursue the issue, and the silence overwhelmed them once more.

That seemed to happen a lot when they were together.

Of course, after he had given up.

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><p><strong>Nanao is quite hard to write. x3 Didn't really like this one. Requests still open.<strong>


	8. Dummy

**Name: Dummy**

**Word Count: 328**

**Pairings/Characters: Byakuya Kuchiki x Soi Fon**

**Prompt/Quote: "Did you just call me a dummy?"**

**Summary: Emotional captains are never a good thing. Especially when that captain was Soi Fon. Requested by Heavenly Angel of Light, who wanted a ByaSoi.**

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><p>"Don't tell me what to do, you dummy!"<p>

There was a stunned silence. Byakuya stood there, eyes wide. He was stunned; not only that the petite captain would lose her temper like that but that she had called him a _dummy. _"Did you just call me a dummy?"

"Y-yes. Yes I did," Soi Fon said, keeping her chin high. The captain of the sixth division stared at her, trying to decide what exactly had happened. "Don't stare, it's rude!"

Byakuya shook his head slowly. He wasn't sure what to think of this, the normally cold and detached captain acting out like this. He'd just told her to pick up after her Lieutenant, and she'd yelled at him and called him a dummy. A dummy.

"Is there something wrong, Captain Soi Fon?" he asked, a bit curious. She glared at him, biting her lower lip.

"No."

Byakuya knew that probably wasn't true, but he didn't want to pry. Knowing her, she would probably try to kill him if he delved further into her thoughts. He left it at that, moving away quickly. He hadn't gone three steps before there was a hand on the back of his haori.

"Captain Kuchiki, wait,"

He turned around, eyebrows raised. She was looking at the ground, looking as if she was arguing with herself. _Is this about Yoruichi Shihoin? _

Before he could muse this further, her lips were on his. His eyes widened as her small hands entangled themselves into his shihakusho, pushing him back. He stumbled, catching his footing quickly.

She stepped back, a blush darkening her cheeks. "I-I'm sorry,"

Byakuya didn't know what to say. He could leave, pretend this never happened, and possibly leave her more mentally ruined than now. Or he could tell her it was okay, maybe give her a hug, and be completely out of character.

So, he stayed silent, choosing to stay there.

Maybe he was a dummy.


	9. King Kon

**Title: King Kon**

**Word Count: 636**

**Pairings/Characters: Kon, Ichigo, slight Mizuiro x Tatsuki because the author is in love with that pairing**

**Prompt/Quote: "What are you doing?" "Silence!"**

**Summary: King Kon? Queen Yoruichi? Prince Mizuiro? What's going on? Written for madin456, who wanted a oneshot about Kon causing mischief while Ichigo was fighting hollows.**

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><p>Kon giggled as he watched Ichigo exit the room. He was just handed a golden opportunity on a silver platter...was that how it went? Hm, he couldn't remember. If there was nothing that talked about that, then he could take credit for making it up.<p>

He breezed through the house, walking through the front door quickly. He was going to have a fun night, and nobody would stop him! He just hoped that the hollow/Arrancar/whatever it was would keep Ichigo busy for a long time.

Because, even though he didn't like to admit it, Ichigo's body was popular with the ladies.

And even though he didn't like to admit it, it helped him quite a bit.

"What's that?" he asked himself, peering at the group of lights up ahead. He moved closer, head tilted to the side in a picture of confusion.

"Perfect!"

Kon was pulled into the center of the bustling square and handed a lump of fabric. "Um, what's this?" he asked.

"You'll be the perfect King! Go change!"

Kon blinked, staring at the woman. She did seem to be in charge...besides, he couldn't help looking as handsome was he did. He struck a regal pose. "Where shall I change?" he asked.

She pointed to a tent. "In there!"

_What's up with all the exited talking? _He wondered as he entered the tent.

"Ichigo? What are you doing?"

"Silence! I am the King!" Kon said, not looking up. The voice sounded familiar. It was probably one of Ichigo's friends. He changed quickly.

"Oh, I'm the prince!" Kon looked at the one who was talking. It was one of Ichigo's friends...which one was it? He had black hair and round, dark eyes. What was his name...what was his name...

Kon nodded and marched out of the tent, the boy following him. "Prince Mizuiro! We're looking for your opinion on who the servant that you fall in love with should be!" It was the overly exited woman again. She pulled the boy – now identified as Mizuiro – away, calling over her shoulder, "King, the Queen will fill you in!"

Kon smirked, turning to see who his Queen would be. He didn't see anyone, except for Yoruichi.

Was _she _his Queen?

"So you're the King?" she said, yellow eyes flashing in amusement. "Surprising."

"I'm not Ichigo. I'm Kon," he said hurriedly.

"I know," Yoruichi said, grin widening.

"So, what are we doing?" Kon asked. Yoruichi passed him a crown.

"We're taking a picture."

"That's it?" Kon couldn't help but be disappointed.

"It's for a play. They wanted to keep the actual actors secret, so they pulled people off the streets."

Kon nodded slowly. "So-"

"Places, everyone!"

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><p>Ichigo sighed as he sunk onto his bed. Everyone at school had been calling him 'King Ichigo', and he was, quite frankly, irritated. And he didn't know what they were talking about.<p>

"Hello, your majesty," Rukia said, grinning, as she entered his room.

"Not you too!" Ichigo groaned. "What is that all about, anyway?"

"It seems that when you went off to kill those hollows the other night, Kon stumbled across...well, I'll just show you the picture." Rukia handed him a newspaper. Right on the front was a gigantic picture, with the title, 'ACTORS FOR KARAKURA PLAY? LONG-AWAITED THEME UNCOVERED'

Ichigo squinted at the black-and-white print. Kon was indeed sitting on a throne, but what was even weirder was the fact that _Yoruichi _was sitting next to him.

Mizuiro, dressed as some sort of nobility also, was gazing into the eyes of...was that Tatsuki? He was holding possible-Tatsuki's hand and gazing into her hands. Tatsuki seemed to be some sort of servant girl.

"KON!"

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><p><strong>Request! Request! Request! Request as much as you can! Please!<strong>


	10. The Wizard of Oz

**Title: The Wizard of Oz**

**Word Count: 938**

**Pairings/Characters: Szayel Aporro Granz, Orihime Inoue, Ulquiorra Schiffer, Nnoitra Jiruga, Tia Halibel, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez**

**Prompt/Quote: the Wizard of Oz. X3**

**Summary: Szayael Aporro wants to make a movie. Pure crack. For TheCatWithTheHat, who wanted something on Szayel Aporro. **

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><p>Being a mad scientist gave Szayel Aporro Granz clearance to do pretty much whatever he wanted to, as long as it wouldn't deplete the Arrancar army by too much. So, when the Espada decided to make a movie, Lord Aizen was all for it – or, rather, Gin was all for it, and Aizen didn't really care.<p>

"The cast is as follows!" Szayel called through his recently acquired megaphone. Nobody knew who had given Szayel a microphone, though Gin was high on the suspect list. "Orihime will be the sweet little girl that lands in the wonderful, magical world of Hueco Mundo. Tia will be the good witch-" Nnoitra snickered. "And Nnoitra will be the wicked witch."

"What the _hell?_" Nnoitra exclaimed. "A witch is a girl! I'm not a fucking girl!"

"Your point?" Szayel Aporro said, looking at his clipboard. "Ulquiorra will be the scarecrow, Grimmjow will be the tin man, and Starrk will be the lion."

The reply from the Primera Espada was a loud snore.

"And the Wizard will be Baraggon," Szayel decided. "Action!"

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><p>Orihime skipped through the sand. "Oh no! I'm lost!" she exclaimed. In a burst of yellow, Tia Halibel appeared, arms crossed underneath her breasts.<p>

There was silence.

Orihime 'stage-whispered' to her castmate. "I think you're supposed to say, 'Fear not! I'm the good witch!' Or something like that!"

The silence stretched on.

"Oh, fuck it!" The muttered curse came from behind a sand dune. Nnoitra Jiruga jogged into view. "I'm the evil witch or whatever the hell I am. I want to kill you, or something."

Orihime gasped. Tia threw a pair of bright green shoes at her. "You want to kill me because of my emerald shoes?"

"No..."

"You do!"

"No..."

Tia sighed, disappearing. When the sand cleared, Nnoitra was gone as well. "Now what do I do?" Orihime wondered out loud. She wandered a bit before she came across an emotionless Ulquoirra, sitting in a tree. "Ulqui, I think you're supposed to be hanging on the tree."

"Do not call me Ulqui."

"We have to see the wizard!"

"Very well."

The two, after the momentary struggle of getting Ulquiorra out of the tree, began to wander once more. After a while – Szayel Aporro made them march through the sand for a few hours, to make it more 'realistic – they came across a stiff-looking Grimmjow. "Oh no! He's frozen!"

Ulquiorra pushed him over. Grimmjow jumped up, spitting sand out of his mouth and drawing Pantera.

"Cut!"

Grimmjow and Ulquiorra glared at him. Orihime, who was fully enjoying this, began to play with her hair.

"Grimmjow, you're too stiff. Be a better tin man!"

"I'm a man made of metal. I'm supposed to be freaking stiff!"

"Do we have to recast you?"

"Please!"

Szayel Aporro sighed dramatically. "Pity. This footage was going to be shown at the next Espada meeting. If you want me to tell Lord Aizen you won't participate..." he drew out the last few syllables.

"Fine," Grimmjow muttered. "Let's do this."

"I knew you'd come to your senses!" Szayel Aporro said brightly, beginning to film again.

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><p>"Oh no! He's frozen!"<p>

Ulquiorra stared at a stiff Grimmjow, who was just as motionless as the last time. He wasn't even blinking. "We have to save him!"

"Girl, be quiet."

"But we have to save him!"

Ulquiorra scooped some sand in his hands and dumped it on Grimmjow, who vented his frustration through a growl. "There."

"Yaaaaaaaaaay!" Orihime cheered. "Now we can go visit the Lazy Lion!"

She skipped off, leaving the two Arrancar to follow. After a few more hours – Szayel Aporro was trying to make it realistic, remember? - they came upon a cave. "Let's enter!"

"Girl, that is stupid."

"Ulqui, don't be mean!"

"Do not call me Ulqui."

Upon entering the cave, they encountered a very...fluffy Coyote Starrk. He was curled up in a corner, snoring away. "Waaaaaaaake up!" Orihime called, right next to his ear. He was still. "Waaaaaaaaaake up!" No movement. "Waaaaaaake up!"

That continued for three and a half hours, until Grimmjow got bored of standing there and decided to just drag Starrk along with them. On their way to the last section of their 'trip', however, they were intercepted.

"Mwahahaha!" Nnoitra laughed. "I've got you now!"

After spending a few hours pondering the meaning of his character, he had decided that he liked being the wicked witch, and was going to put everything he had into being a wicked witch. "Tesla! Capture the fuckers!"

Tesla appeared behind Orihime and Ulquiorra, capturing them quickly. Ulquiorra considered resistance, but decided it wasn't important enough. Nnoitra captured a very unwilling Grimmjow, who still held onto Starrk's hair.

But, Nnoitra's plan was foiled when Tia appeared and freed all of our lovely protagonists. She had gotten bored with the whole thing, and just Sonido'd them all to Baraggon.

"The wizard! Yippee!" Orihime cheered. "I wanna go home!"

"Too bad," Baraggon rumbled. "Go away."

"That's a wrap!" Szayel Aporro exclaimed, stopping the recording.

* * *

><p>"Where's the movie you took a day recording?" Gin asked, leaning forward with a leer.<p>

"If I have Lord Aizen's permission...?" When Szayel Aporro got the nod he was looking for, he popped in the disk and the Espada and Soul Society Traitors began to watch...

**Request!**


	11. Sexting

**Title: Sexting**

**Word Count: 306**

**Pairings/Characters: Mizuiro x Tatsuki. Do you think a mild obsession is forming?**

**Prompt/Quote: Sexting by Blood On the Dance Floor**

**Summary: Mizuiro hadn't meant it that way. But he wasn't complaining. It's a bit shorter than the last few, but I like it. :) Cuteness. Fluff. Gotta love it. Oh, and Mizuiro texting is bolded and italicized, and Tatsuki texting is bolded, italicized, and underlined. Takes place after 'Fate', an earlier oneshot.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>A night at home alone seemed like a good idea to Mizuiro. He could take a shower, put on an oversized shirt and shorts, and curl up in his bed, texting until he fell asleep. But first, he needed to ask Tatsuki something.<p>

_**Hey, so...I've realized that I don't have a picture of you on my phone? Do you think you could send me one?**_

That wasn't really true, he did have a picture of her on his phone. It just happened to be a picture of the back of her head. When you texted all the time, nobody questioned it when you had your phone out. Disable the noise it made when taking a picture, and you could be the perfect stalker.

Setting down his phone and not waiting for a reply, Mizuiro headed off to the shower. He was back ten minutes later, dripping wet and shivering, towel wrapped around his waist. He checked his phone first, deciding that Tatsuki was more important than clothes. Waiting for him was a picture message, as he'd hoped.

_**Um...ok...I guess...**_

Now, Mizuiro Kojima was not innocent. He'd seen many girls without their shirts on. And Tatsuki was wearing a sports bra. But...just the fact that it was Tatsuki, and she'd sent him a picture of her _shirtless, _made him blush.

That wasn't what he'd meant at all.

He'd take it – maybe even make it the wallpaper on his phone – but it was just weird. "Returning the favor..." he muttered, holding the phone at arms length, pointing the camera toward his towel-clad self. He pressed the camera button, signature smile present on his face.

After sending it to Tatsuki, he collapsed on his bed, not even bothering with clothes.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh, and you guys can keep requesting until I say stop. :)<strong>


	12. Watermelon Will Never Be the Same

**Title: Watermelon Will Never Be the Same**

**Word Count: 477**

**Pairings/Characters: Slight Izuru/Momo. Toshiro's in here, and Renji makes a brief appearance. **

**Summary: Never judge a watermelon-eating contest between Momo Hinamori and Toshiro Hitsugaya. _Never. _Written for The Layman. **

* * *

><p>Why did he always have the weirdest friends? Furthermore, why couldn't Izuru ever attract a normal girl? Momo was cute, but she was kinda (really) odd.<p>

Example? She wanted him to judge a watermelon eating contest. A watermelon eating contest between her and this white-haired kid with oddly high spiritual pressure. "Shiro!" Momo said brightly, bounding over to him. "We're going to have a contest!"

"What sort of contest?" the kid said irritably.

"A watermelon eating contest!"

"You're going to lose."

"I brought a judge!" Momo said. "Toshiro, this is Izuru. Izuru, this is Toshiro." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "He thinks he's going to win. Silly Shiro."

"I heard that!"

Momo sent a cheery smile towards Toshiro and turned back to Izuru. She shoved a piece of paper in his hands. "Those are the rules. You have to announce them, and then make sure we don't break any of them."

"Er, okay," Izuru said. He cleared his throat and read them out loud. "_Rule one: Participants cannot physically hurt other participants. Rule two: Participants cannot steal watermelon from other participants. Rule three: One must respect the judge at all times. Rule four: The loser must do whatever the winner says for a week. _You spelled participant wrong, by the way."

"I did?" Momo leaned over to check. Izuru was well aware of her...er...chestal area _right next to his hand. _He did his best to stop from blushing. "Oh, I did. Oops!"

Toshiro rolled his eyes. "So? Where's the watermelon?"

Renji appeared from around the corner, lugging two huge watermelons. "Renji? What are you doing here?"

"I'm manual labor. I'm being paid. Bye!" Renji said, taking a small package from Momo and exiting as quickly as he had come. He had left Izuru with the task of picking up and setting the watermelons in front of the contestants – or, rather, rolling them over. Izuru Kira wasn't the strongest out there.

"Er...start?" Izuru guessed. Momo and Toshiro presented knives from seemingly nowhere and stabbed them into the watermelons, juice gushing everywhere. Izuru's eyes widened as the two dug into the fruit/vegetable/thing and the girl he'd admired for the past few months was reduced to a juice-stained animal.

They ate the watermelons way faster than anyone could possibly, physically do. Toshiro was done first, but as soon as he was done, he slumped back and (probably) fell asleep. Momo took a few minutes longer, but eventually finished. She wiped her mouth on her sleeve, smiled, and promptly ran out of sight. Izuru heard sounds of retching.

"Uh...good-bye?" Izuru offered, backing up quickly, then turning around and heading away in a full sprint.

When the next semester of the Academy began, Momo demanded to know who had won.


	13. Mummies

**Title: Mummies**

**Word Count: 799**

**Pairings/Characters: Toshiro/Yachiru, if you look at it that way. X33 **

**Summary: Do not, and I repeat, _do not _get stuck watching Yachiru Kusajishi. Written for TrulyDevious**

* * *

><p>Toshiro really had no idea how he kept getting drug into this sort of thing. He stared down at the small, pink-haired menace that Fifth Seat Ayasegawa had cheerfully deposited at his feet, leaving soon after. It was smart of him to leave, though, at the moment, Yachiru was just gazing up at him through her gigantic, ruby-colored eyes, which no doubt meant something apocalyptic was going to happen.<p>

And he couldn't even dump her on Matsumoto. She had taken 'a day off', and was most likely with Lieutenants Kira and Hisagi, drinking. At least they weren't in here this time.

"You're it!"

Toshiro blinked as the pink-haired little girl smacked him on the arm and flash-stepped away. If one thing was certain, it was that she couldn't be left alone to wreak havoc within the Seireitei. So, he flash-stepped after her, catching up in a few minutes.

He grabbed her around the waist and went back to his office. As soon as they were still, Yachiru wriggled free. "Rape!" she screamed.

"What? Where did you learn-Ow!" Toshiro yelped as she promptly hit him over the head.

"Kenny says that if any boy that's not Feathers because he's not really a boy touches me, I should scream 'rape' and hit them until they fall over," Yachiru said cheerfully, hitting him again. "But I'll stop if you play with me!"

"Okay!" Toshiro said. She retreated immediately, a bright smile present on her face.

"It's time for...ooh! Let's get snacks from the other Shiro first!" Yachiru decided. She grabbed his wrist and flash-stepped to the thirteenth division. She had way too much energy, Toshiro decided. Way too much energy.

He stumbled when they arrived at Captain Ukitake's office. "Why, hello, Yachiru, Toshiro. What a lovely surprise!" he said, smiling softly. "What brings you here?"

"We want snacks!" Yachiru said promptly, bouncing up and down. "'Cause, I'm hungry, and I can't play unless I have snacks first!"

The older captain gave them another slow smile and reached into his captain's haori, bringing out a large basket of cookies. "Would these be all right?" he asked.

"Yeah!" Yachiru cheered, grabbing the basket. _Where does he store all that stuff? _Toshiro wondered. There was more food in there, Toshiro knew this from experience. But how did it all _fit_?

"Toshiro, here's something for you as well," Captain Ukitake said before shoving a clear, plastic cylinder filled with jelly beans in his hands. Toshiro stared at it, speechless.

"Little Shiro, it's time to goooooooooooo!" Yachiru yelled, grabbing his wrist again. She'd already demolished the cookies, and Toshiro had just enough time to stick the jelly beans into his pocket before they were off again.

Their next stop was the fourth division. Unsurprisingly, Third Seat Madarame was being carried in by Captain Zaraki. "Kenny!" Yachiru cheered, jumping onto his shoulder.

"Thought Yumichika was supposed to be watching you," the captain grunted, shifting his grip on the unconscious Ikkaku.

"No, Little Shiro is!" Yachiru corrected him. Captain Zaraki rolled his eyes.

"Well, I gotta get Ikkaku some medical attention. See ya around," he said, shaking her off of his shoulder and moving along.

"Let's be mummies!" Yachiru said, a devilish gleam in her eyes. Toshiro thought about it for a bit, then shook his head quickly.

"No, Lieutenant Kusajishi, we can't-"

"But...but..." Yachiru's eyes filled with tears.

"Fine," Toshiro sighed. Her tears disappeared and she – once again – grabbed his wrist and pulled him to a supply closet. They didn't flash-step this time – either she was running out of energy, or it was just too short of a distance to bother.

With a slightly maniacal grin, she pulled him into the closet with her and shut the door.

It was roomier than one would expect. It seemed to be more of a...janitorial room that happened to be stocked with bandages. Yachiru went to work immediately, gathering all of the usable rolls into one place. "Okay, now take off your clothes."

"What?" Toshiro said, eyes widening. She sighed impatiently.

"It won't _fit _if you don't take off your clothes! Never mind, I'll help you." With that, she stripped him of his haori and shihakusho, leaving him shivering in his underwear.

He opened his mouth to protest, but stopped when he saw that _she_ had started to take off her clothes as well. "What are you doing?" he yelled.

She looked at him, annoyed. "Don't you know _anything?_ Both of us have to take off our clothes! Do you think it will work if just one of us is naked?"

Outside the door, a very pale Hanataro Yamada fainted.


	14. Have You Ever Been In Love?

**Title: Have You Ever Been in Love?**

**Word Count: 596**

**Pairings/Characters: Shuhei x Rangiku. Izuru x Rangiku. Slight Gin x Rangiku**

**Summary: She was just really, really drunk. Besides, Shuhei has to win _sometimes. _Written for TheCatWithTheHat, who wanted one with Shuhei, and Rangiku, and definitely Shuhei. x3 Takes place after 'Love Note', an earlier oneshot in this collection. **

* * *

><p>"Shuhei, have you ever been in love?"<p>

The spiky-haired lieutenant looked up, startled. Rangiku had abandoned her cup and was leaning towards him, head propped up on her hands. There was a dreamy expression on her face.

It was rare that she started talking about anything even remotely deep until she'd had at least a few more bottles of sake.

"I dunno," Shuhei said, half-shrugging. He wasn't sure which way this was going. Was Rangiku talking about Gin? Or did she finally figure out that it had been _him _to send her the letter?

No, she thought nothing of his writing skills. He'd seen that when she had filled out the reader survey for his _**Teach Me, Shuhei Sensei!**_

"I think I'm in love with 'Zuru. Have you seen the note he sent me?" With that, Rangiku's hand dove into the front of her shihakusho. Shuhei attempted to try to avert his eyes, but reasoned that Rangiku probably wouldn't notice if he stared a bit. As long as he just stared a bit.

A bit meant keeping his eyes glued on her breasts while she dug around for the letter – honestly, who kept a letter there? - for a full five minutes. Eventually (unfortunately) she found it, holding up the familiar pink piece of paper. "He even put it on pink paper!"

"T-that's great," Shuhei managed to choke out, taking another gulp of sake hastily. Rangiku then proceeded to read it loudly, punctuating the last sentence with an, 'I need more sake!'

"I mean, it's gotta be him! When I saw you by the Senkaimon, I thought it might've been you, but that's silly!"

The rest of the night went by in a flash. Shuhei managed to stay relatively sober. He was already depressed about the fact that Rangiku was 'in love with Izuru', he shouldn't add using up half of his paycheck on a night out on top of it – even if it was just Rangiku this time, she drunk enough for both of them. Plus all the others that generally went drinking with them.

Tonight was one of the nights Rangiku really felt like splurging, however. By two o'clock A.M., she was slumped on the table, unconscious. Shuhei pushed himself out of his chair and scooped her up in his arms, ready to carry her back to her barracks for Captain Hitsugaya to find in the morning.

And that's when Rangiku reached up and kissed him.

Whoa, backtrack. She'd kissed him. _Kissed him. _She'd never been _that _drunk before. And wasn't she unconscious a few seconds ago?

Did she randomly kiss people, unknowingly?

He should probably get her back before _he _fainted. That would be awkward. Especially if he woke up later, Rangiku no-where in sight. That had happened before, and it wasn't fun.

Shuhei shook those thoughts out of his head and flash-stepped to the Tenth Division barracks, dumped her on the couch, and flash-stepped away quickly.

Once he was in the safety of his room, door locked, a grin split the vice-captain's face. "Yes!" he cheered, jumping up and down like a little kid that had just gotten ice cream. Shuhei kept up the cheering for a few more (fifteen) minutes, keeping the idea that Rangiku was just _really _drunk – maybe she was delusional or something, she wasn't in love with Izuru – in the back of his mind.

The next morning, a very irritated Toshiro Hitsugaya found a very drunk Rangiku Matsumoto sprawled on the floor of the office. "Matsumoto!"


	15. Escape is Only Temporary

**Title: Escape is Only Temporary**

**Word Count: 542**

**Pairings/Characters: Toshiro x Karin; Rangiku**

**Summary: What the-I'm not mad-What just happened? Written for madin456, who wanted something with Hitsugaya and Karin. **

**Prompt/Quote: "I just don't understand why you're mad at me!"**

* * *

><p>Chasing after Arrancar had taken its toll on Toshiro. Not only did he have to chase them down, but when he caught them, he was forced into a long battle – at the least, fifteen minutes – and, sometimes, almost killed. No, it wasn't fun.<p>

So, he was going to take a walk. And if an Arrancar showed up, he'd let someone else handle it. He was not going to deal with it. He was going to take a _break, _even if it was only for a few hours.

But escape was only temporary. Almost as soon as he'd left Inoue's apartment, he was cornered by none other than Ichigo's little sister. And it wasn't even the nice, calm one. It was Karin.

"Toshiro!"

He bit his tongue. _Like I didn't notice you. _"What?"

She looked startled. "Well, I was going to ask you if you wanted to play soccer with me..."

Toshiro snorted, shaking his head. "I don't want to play with you and your friends."

"They wouldn't be there. It would kind of just be me and you," Karin mumbled. In all the...three or four days that he'd known her, she hadn't ever _mumbled. _Geez, what was wrong with her? Was she sick or something?

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, not quite meaning it in the extremely tactless way it came out.

"I just don't understand why you're mad at me!" Karin exploded, throwing her arms up in the air. Toshiro took a step back, now a little scared. Even if she was just a human, she was still Ichigo's sister, and still slightly terrifying.

"I-I never said-why-I'm not _mad _at you..." Toshiro said awkwardly, running his hand through his hair. It was true. He wasn't mad at her, exactly. He had just wanted to take a little break, and not play soccer...or whatever she had said they would play...He stared out at the river, biting his lower lip.

"So then what's up? You've been avoiding me, and then you snapped at me.." She was back to the mumbling again, and her hands had moved from the air into her front pockets. "I..."

"Look, I'll play soccer with you," Toshiro said, holding up his hands in defense. She moved closer to him, so he took a step back. And another one. And another one. What was she trying to do?

His back hit a tree, and she still came closer. What was she doing?

And then she kissed him. She _kissed _him. There he was, back against a tree, her lips on his, her eyes closed, his so wide open he thought they might pop out of his head.

Something flashed, and he blinked. What was that? It almost looked like a camera flash or something. But why would a camera be flashing -

"Aww, Captain! You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend!"

Of course. Karin backed away, looking at the interrupter. "Matsumoto!" he shouted, turning bright red.

"The Women's Association will have a great time with this..." his lieutenant chirped, bouncing away. He balled his hands into fists and glared after her.

Karin cleared her throat. "So, you still up for soccer?"

* * *

><p><strong>I don't really even like Hitsugaya. x3 Yet I have all of these that star him. Why? Yeah, I don't know. <strong>


	16. TrickorTreat!

**Title: Trick-or-Treat!**

**Word Count: 1412**

**Pairings/Characters: Multiple pairings, multiple characters. :)**

**Summary: It's Halloween! Time for Trick-or-Treating for humans, Shinigami, and Espadas alike. Halloween special! :D **

**Prompt/Quote: The fact that it's FREAKING HALLOWEEN! :D**

* * *

><p>"Yessssssss! It's Halloween! What are you doing, Ichigo?" Keigo cheered, bouncing up and down. He landed with his elbows propped up on the desk, staring at Ichigo, who looked back at him uneasily.<p>

"I dunno. Stay home, I guess," Ichigo shrugged. Keigo gasped, eyes widening.

"But you can't stay home on Halloween, Ichigo! Me and Mizuiro are going Trick-or-Treating!" Keigo said, glancing at the black-haired teen, who responded by sending a text to Keigo's phone. "Mizuiro, that's so annoying! Can't you talk like a real person?"

_**Sorry, Mr. Asano.**_

"Aghhhhhh!" Keigo howled. Tatsuki passed by the group, giving Keigo a weird look.

"Hey, Tatsuki," Mizuiro said with a smile. Tatsuki smiled back awkwardly, leaving as soon as she came.

"What? You say hi to her, but you text me? What's wrong with you?" Keigo wailed. Mizuiro gave him a smirk and returned to his phone.

The day took incredibly long to complete. It really did suck that Halloween was on a Monday this year. But, he'd go Trick-or-Treating and drag Ichigo, Chad, and anyone else that wanted to come along. Maybe even Orihime or Rukia would come. _That _would be cool.

After school was out, Keigo rushed home, waited until six o'clock – which took forever, by the way – and dressed in his pizza costume. Yes, he was a pizza. Once he was dressed, he raced to Mizuiro's place. "Mizuiro!" he yelled, banging on the door. Mizuiro opened it a few seconds later, dressed in a pirate costume. "You're a pirate!"

"Captain Jack Sparrow," Mizuiro corrected, adjusting his hat.

"You speak!" Just as he said it, his phone buzzed. Grumbling incoherently, he checked to see what it said.

_**I invited Tatsuki, who will be at Orihime's. Rukia, Uryu, and Chad are at Ichigo's house. **_

"Orihime's coming?" Keigo said brightly, grinning widely. Mizuiro nodded. "Then let's go!"

The race to Orihime's apartment took far less time than it actually should have. Keigo pounded on the door. "A minute!" Orihime's shrill voice called.

A few seconds later, Tatsuki opened the door, also wearing a pirate costume. She blinked when she saw Mizuiro, then shook her head quickly. "Captain Jack Sparrow?"

"Elizabeth," Mizuiro said, nodding once. "You've seen that movie as well?"

Tatsuki nodded. "Orihime!" she yelled.

Orihime bounced into view a few minutes later, cleavage almost bursting out of the top of her ladybug costume. A grin split Keigo's face. Tatsuki must have seen it, because a few moments later she whacked him over the head. "Hey!" Keigo complained, moving out of the way in case she decided to hit him again.

"Oh, you didn't get Ichigo yet?" Orihime said, face falling. "Are you getting him next?"

"Yeah," Keigo said, still not managing to tear his eyes away from Orihime's boobs. Tatsuki snarled warningly. He looked away. "So, let's go!"

Ichigo's door was answered by Rukia. What was she supposed to be? She was just...she was wearing a white dress with gold bands around her arms and a crown-like thing on her head. It looked vaguely Egyptian. Uryu entered the room next, dressed in a vampire costume, followed quickly by Ichigo the...teletubby? What? "Ichigo, what are you?" Keigo snickered, getting a glare from the teletubby.

"Rukia picked it out," he muttered. Orihime squealed.

"Oh you look so adorable!" she said, blushing as soon as she'd said it. Ichigo faintly darkened as well, crossing his arms over his purple chest.

A monkey, who Keigo assumed was Chad, lumbered into view next. "We're all here! Let's go!" Keigo cheered.

"Oh, so that's your costume," Ichigo said, looking at the monkey.

The group left.

Chad, dressed in a Harry Potter costume, entered the room a few minutes later. "Guys?" he asked.

* * *

><p>"Where'd Kenny go?" Yachiru complained, bouncing up and down impatiently. Yumichika looked down at her, exhausted.<p>

"Yachiru, I do not know," Yumichika said, a slight tinge of annoyance creeping into his voice. The little girl was wearing a bat-like ballerina costume...he wasn't sure where she had gotten it, but it was better than Ikkaku's Spartan costume. Yumichika had decided on a king costume, complete with a heavy crown laden with gemstones. "Maybe he just decided to get some fresh air."

"And we've got Trick-or-Treating to do!" Rangiku said, popping over in her maid costume. "Come on, let's go! Captainnnnnnn!"

Captain Hitsugaya was refusing to come out of the dressing room. Yumichika could tell why. Somehow, he'd been forced into a penguin costume. Yes, he was dressed as a penguin.

Ikkaku nudged. "Yumichika, look, your queen has arrived," he snorted. Yumichika looked up, seeing none other than Soi Fon in a long, white gown with a crown on her head.

"It could be worse, I guess," Yumichika said, biting his lip. His gaze swept over the rest of the Shinigami. There were the Kurotsuchis, both dressed as mad scientists. He shook his head and moved on. Shuhei was...Jesus? What the...oh well. Everyone else's costume was either stupid, predictable, or just plain weird. Like Captain Yamamoto, who was dressed as Cupid.

* * *

><p>"Now, do we have the plan?" the Mad Hatter asked, smile growing bigger. Superman nodded, striking a heroic pose.<p>

The Grim Reaper swung his scythe in a wide arc, almost chopping off the Cheshire Cat's head.

Nnoitra ran out from behind a dumpster, Scream mask not quite on his head. "They're in position."

* * *

><p>"Kisuke, put my tail on for me," Yoruichi said, handing him the forked tail.<p>

"Why don't they just put the thing on the costume in the first place?" Kisuke wondered, pinning the tail onto the bottom part of the costume. Yoruichi grinned at him.

"We make a nice pair," she said.

"Pair of devils," Kisuke corrected, adjusting his horns.

* * *

><p>It was Halloween, and, just like every other year, Keigo had drug them out to go Trick-or-Treating. The only difference this year was that Mizuiro and Tatsuki were walking beside each other silently, brushing against each other every few steps. Orihime was bouncing along next to him, making her costume light up at every house they stopped at. Keigo was in the lead, and Uryu and Chad walked in silence.<p>

Chad ran up to them, hoisting up his robes.

Wait a minute, if Chad was in front of them, in a Harry Potter costume, who was with Uryu...? "You left me," Chad stated. "Who's that?"

Ichigo whipped his head around to stare at the gorilla. It stared back.

"Kenny!"

A group of Soul Reapers, dressed in various costumes, headed towards them, led by Yachiru. The little purple-dressed girl jumped on the Gorilla's back, pulling off the mask to reveal a grinning Kenpachi Zaraki. "Happy Halloween," he said. "Ichigo, ready for a rematch?"

"This! Is! Spartaaaaaaaa!" Ikkaku yelled from the back of the group.

"Shut _up, _Ikkaku!"

The Mad Hatter, Superman, the Grim Reaper, and the Cheshire Cat inched their way to the front of the group of Soul Reapers. "Who are they?" Ichigo asked, pointing at the four. Nnoitra – I mean, Ghostface ran to catch up with them.

"That's Aizen," Kenpachi said bluntly, pointing to Superman. "And that's Gin." He finished, waving his hand at the Mad Hatter. "Not sure about the others, though. He's got a hood, and he's got...kitty ears..."

"Grimmjow!" Ichigo gasped.

"Took you that long to figure out, huh..." Grimmjow muttered, scratching his left ear. The cat one, on top of his head, not the one that was actually his – oh, you know what I mean.

Lightning flashed. "Whoa, when did the storm start?" Nnoitra's muffled voice asked through the mask. The lightning flashed again, revealing two devilish figures on top of the nearest house. "Mwahahaha!" the male said.

The female grinned, tossing back her purple hair. "Looking good, Soi Fon!"

"You just gave it away!" the male said, jabbing her in the ribs as Soi Fon blushed. The female rolled her eyes.

"Oh, whatever," she said. "Let's go...and leave these poor souls to the mercy of All Hallows Eve." With a burst of red smoke, the two disappeared.

Ichigo scratched the side of his head. "Well, that was weird..." he muttered.

* * *

><p><strong>So, who <em>was <em>the Grim Reaper? Shouldn't be that hard, I'm sure most of you will know. :D **

**Costumes -**

**Keigo: A slice of pizza**

**Mizuiro: Captain Jack Sparrow**

**Tatsuki: Elizabeth Swan**

**Orihime: A ladybug**

**Rukia: An Egyptian princess**

**Ichigo: The purple teletubby**

**Uryu: A vampire**

**Kenpachi: A gorilla**

**Chad: Harry Potter**

**Yumichika: A queen**

**Ikkaku: A Spartan**

**Yachiru: A bat ballerina**

**Nemu&Mayuri: Mad scientists**

**Shuhei: Jesus  
><strong>

**Yamamoto: Cupid**

**Soi Fon: A queen**

**Rangiku: A maid**

**Toshiro: A penguin**

**Gin: The Mad Hatter**

**Aizen: Superman**

**Grimmjow: The Cheshire Cat**

**Nnoitra: Ghostface from the Scream movies. :3**

**?: The Grim Reaper**


	17. Party of Rejection!

**Title: Party of Rejections!**

**Word Count: 1301**

**Pairings/Characters: Too many to list**

**Summary: It was a mixer to help the Shinigami, Arrancar, Human, and Visord population get along better. Something has to go wrong.**

**Prompt/Quote: Requested by summerrayah, who wanted something with UlquiHime or Hisagi getting rejected. We've got both! :D**

* * *

><p>"So, there's going to be this... getting-to-know each other thing?" Shuhei asked, blinking. What Izuru had just said made no sense. They were going to meet with the Arrancar... peacefully?<p>

Izuru nodded. "Yeah. Oh, and it's a sort of party, so if you were planning to ask Rangiku to go with you..." he trailed off, looking at Shuhei almost expectantly.

"Yeah? Who are you going with?" Shuhei said, changing the subject abruptly. It was too late, however, he could already feel his face flushing.

"I dunno," Izuru admitted. He drug his feet across the ground as he walked, looking down. "I was thinking... I mean... I'm not sure if Captain Soi Fon has a date..."

Shuhei, who had just taken a drink of his water, did an extreme spit take. "C-captain Soi Fon?" he asked, wiping water from his chin. "As in the captain of the second division."

Izuru turned pink. "Maybe," he muttered. Shuhei shook his head slowly. Izuru and Captain Soi Fon? It just didn't make any sense! Izuru was... well, they were both pretty cut off from the world, but Izuru had friends! And he was a pretty likeable person!

"The Women's Association meeting just let out," Shuhei observed, watching as multiple female Shinigami drifted toward them. "There's Soi Fon!"

"And Rangiku," Izuru said, shoving the dark-haired man toward his love. "Go. Ask her to the party-thing."

"Fine, fine," Shuhei said, jogging over to the group. "Hey Rangiku!" he said, raising his hand in a greeting.

"Hi Shuhei!" Rangiku said, beaming. "Watcha doing?"

"So, I was wondering if you would like to go to this party-thing?" Shuhei asked, completely ignoring her question and plowing ahead to his purpose with talking to her.

"When is it?" Rangiku said, tilting her head to the side. "I might be busy..."

"It's kind of mandatory, but I could be your escort for the night...?" Shuhei offered. Rangiku shrugged.

"Sure. Ooh, Soi Fon's getting asked!" Rangiku said, an excited look passing over her face as she leaned towards Shuhei. He looked back and, sure enough, Izuru and Soi Fon were talking. "Awww! It's love!"

Shuhei laughed nervously. "Yeah. Love."

* * *

><p>Shuhei tugged the sleeves of his newly-aquired suit. Captain-Commander Yamamoto had informed them that it was to be a formal affair, so they were to wear formal attire. Because barely anyone had something suitable to wear, there had been a gigantic shopping trip in the world of the living.<p>

"Well, no use postponing the inevitable..." Shuhei sighed, knocking on Rangiku's door.

"Just a minute!" she called from inside. A few moments later, the door was open, and he was faced with an extremely stunning Rangiku. His eyes widened as he took in the dress that showed of her... well... most everything. It was amazing that it covered up anything at all... wow...

His mind went blank for a few minutes there. By the time he'd recovered, Rangiku was already a few feet away. He moved quickly to catch up. "Where is this party, anyway? Here? World of the living?"

"Hueco Mundo," Shuhei said. "At least, that's what Izuru told me. I still have no idea why he knows so much about this."

* * *

><p>Orihime smoothed down her dress, checking over herself in the mirror to make sure that nothing was out of place. As soon as she was sure she was ready, she squealed and jumped up and down. "I'm going on a date!" she said excitedly.<p>

"What are you so excited about, woman?"

She jumped, looking sheepish as she saw Ulquiorra come up behind her int he mirror. "Our date," she mumbled.

"Date? I am simply to be your escort," Ulquiorra said.

"Ulqui, don't be mean!"

"Do not call me Ulqui."

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><p>Shuhei navigated through the people, Arrancar, Shinigami, Visored, and Human alike, keeping a firm grip on Rangiku's arm. She had sniffed out the drinks the minute they stepped into the meeting room - oh, sorry, 'party room' - and she'd already had about seven.<p>

"Rangiku!" someone called. Shuhei sighed. How many people did she know here? Honestly, every few seconds someone called hr name. This voice sounded eerily like-

"Gin!" she said, tearing herself away from Shuhei and running toward the silver-haired man at full speed. Shuhei facepalmed.

"Oh lord, not him," he said quietly. He peeked through his fingers as they kissed. Oh lord, why? Why, when he had suddenly scored a date with the most beautiful girl in all the worlds, did she get stolen from him?

Of course, Ichigo looked equally jealous when he saw his human girlfriend get led in by an emotionless Arrancar.

At least he wasn't the only rejected one.

* * *

><p>It was the first time Izuru had seen Captain Soi Fon drunk and frankly, it terrified him. Once she'd stepped into the party room and seen Kisuke Urahara and Yoruichi Shihoin... er... letting lips do what hands do*... she'd headed straight for the drinks. Izuru had followed her, and now he really wished he hadn't.<p>

She was currently threatening anyone who got in a five foot radius. Luckily, he hadn't been threatened yet, but it was only a matter of time until she saw him standing there... for some reason, people never noticed him. It was a little depressing.

Oh look, there were Urahara and Yoruichi coming toward them now. She was grinning and waving at Soi Fon, he looked like he was about to run for it. Understandable.

"Lieutenant Kira!" Soi Fon hissed. Izuru looked at her, only to be pulled into the most awkward kiss he'd ever had in his life. His eyes were open the entire time, and so were hers. Out of his peripheral vision he saw Yoruichi and Urahara leaving. After a bit, she pulled away. "Thank you."

Izuru nodded, a little breathless. "No problem."

* * *

><p>Sosuke Aizen tapped a spoon to his teacup. Which contained sake instead of tea, but it was a special occasion. "Arrancar and Shinigami alike!" he shouted.<p>

"Don't forget the Visords!" Hiyori shouted, shaking her fist in the air. Shinji put a hand over her mouth, but pulled it away quickly.

"You bit me!"

"You silenced me!"

"Shut up!"

"You shut up!"

They were quickly led out of the room so they could discuss their differences.

"Humans are here too!" A spiky-haired girl shouted. The dark-haired boy next to her touched her arm, and she glared at him. He drew away immediately.

"Yes, yes," Sosuke said, sighing. "Anyway, this is the last time we have to discuss our differences until the war. Please do not start a brawl. I'm not naming any names - Grimmjow, Captain Zaraki, Nnoitra - but please try to behave yourself."

Grimmjow gave a thumbs-up from where he was passionately kissing Mila-Rose.

Nnoitra crossed his arms from where he stood in the 'time-out corner.' "Too late!" he said.

Captain Zaraki ignored him, proceeding to ask Ichigo Kurosaki to battle. Ichigo responded by running away screaming.

Ah, what a lovely day this was.

* * *

><p>Shuhei sighed as he sat down at a random table. Ichigo Kurosaki was next to him. It seemed to be the table of rejection.<p>

A red-headed Shinigami that Shuhei had never seen before asked Rukia Kuchiki to dance. Her date, that one kid from squad four, pulled her away. She shrugged, and the man came to sat at their table.

"Who are you?" Ichigo asked, looking a bit startled.

"Ashido Kano."

"Ichigo Kurosaki."

"Shuhei Hisagi."

They were soon joined by Ikkaku, who was rejected by Yumichika. The narcissist was too busy with Isane Kotetsu.

Honestly, Shuhei didn't know he was straight.

Next came Toshiro Hitsugaya, who had been rejected by Momo. When was that girl going to get over her crush on Aizen?

Later came Byakuya Kuchiki, who had been rejected twice - once by Soi Fon, the next by Yoruichi. This was simply a party of rejections, wasn't it?

* * *

><p><strong>Oh lord, I'm sorry that I've been gone forever. Blame two things - a random obsession with Romeo and Juliet, and NaNoWriMo.<strong>

**For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically where you write a 50,000 word novel in a month, November. I managed to finish mine early, with it ending up at 54,300 words. I don't think it's too bad, considering I started two days late, it's my first year, and I'm fourteen. xP Anyway, I'm pretty happy with the finished product.**

**Also, don't forget to keep requesting! :D**


	18. A Little Lesson on Visoreds

**Title: A Little Lesson on Visoreds**

**Word Count: 509**

**Pairings/Characters: The Visoreds. Urahara and Yoruichi. The Karakura-Risers.**

**Summary: A little lesson on visoreds - they don't like being interrupted. Even when they aren't doing anything.**

**Prompt/Quote: Requested by TheCatWithTheHat, who wanted the Visoreds or the Karakura Superheroes. Karakura-Risers are cooler. x3**

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><p>Shinji sighed, tipping back his head. After Ichigo had left for Hueco Mundo, they'd had absolutely no entertainment. What a loser. Just had to rescue his friend.<p>

Even Mashiro and Kensei were done arguing. Hiyori hadn't spoken to him in days. Love and Rose had run out of manga. Lisa had retreated into a dark corner where she looked over her magazines, over and over and over.

Nobody knew where Hachi was.

Hey, was that giggling he heard? The blonde Visored tipped his head to the side, listening closer. It was giggling! But none of the Visoreds were giggling, they were all too depressed.

With a crash, the door of their lovely abandoned warehouse was opened. Kensei jumped, eyes narrowed. A rather odd-looking, dark-skinned man jumped through, twirled a bit, and said. "Karakura-Riser... Spirit!"

Four other people leaped through the doorway, each saying something weird, like 'Karakura-Riser... Beast!" "Karakura-Riser Erotic!"

Wait a minute...

"Karakura-Riser Delicate."

"Karakura-Riser Tiny Devil."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Kensei growled. Another person ran through the doorway, but everyone ignored him.

It looked vaguely like Ichigo.

"We're investigating some very odd spiritual pressure," Karakura-Riser Tiny Devil said, already huge eyes growing. "I'm sorry if we disturbed you."

Lisa, who had popped up to investigate, went back to her corner. Karakura-Riser Erotic followed her.

"I'm sorry, but I think you're the spiritual pressure that we felt. I'm sorry, but you must be eliminated," Karakura-Riser Tiny Devil said.

Shinji rose to his feet. This was the most fun they'd had in ages. "We get to do something!" he said.

Kensei nodded, and Mashiro jumped to her feet. "Yaaay!" she cheered.

Unfortunately, Urahara had to come and ruin it all. As soon as the fight - if you could call it that, they weren't very good - began, him and Shihoin broke it up.

"Come on Urahara! That was the most fun we've-"

"I forgot to tell you about these ones. They're Visoreds," the hat-wearing scientist said, grinning. "Shinji, demonstration, please."

"What?" Shinji asked.

"Put on your mask," Urahara said impatiently. "The first time I get a live person for a demonstration they have no idea what to do. I should've brought Tessai and his drawings."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Shinji said, pulling his mask on. Karakura-Riser Tiny Devil hoisted a gigantic gun on her shoulder. Wait a minute, she hadn't had that before. Where the hell had she gotten that?

"No, no, Ururu, don't shoot him," Urahara said, grinning. Shinji shifted from foot to foot. However awesome and epic it may be to be a Visored, it was still a little uncomfortable. "That's what Visoreds do!"

"How long is this going to take?" Shinji asked in the grating, creepy voice that came with a Hollow mask.

"Oh, you know," Urahara said, smiling. "As long as it does."

A masked Hiyori knocked him to the ground suddenly. "A little lesson on Visoreds," she growled. "They don't like being interrupted."

After the others had cleared out, Shinji turned to the former lieutenant. "We weren't doing anything."

"Shut up."

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><p><strong>Tiny little author's note here - thank you to TheCatWithTheHat for my fiftieth review. :D<strong>


	19. For the Love of Hair

**Title: For the Love of Hair**

**Word Count: 626**

**Pairings/Characters: Aizen's Hair Curl x Cirucci's left ponytail. Slight Aizen x Loly**

**Summary: Even hair curls love. And even hair curls get heartbroken. And one hair curl has a preference for purple...**

**Prompt/Quote: Written for TheCatWithTheHat, who wanted something about Aizen's hair curl. **

* * *

><p>It was generally a boring life, being a hair curl. Unless you were the hair curl of the great, powerful, magical, mystical, astonishing, awe-inspiring, beautiful, breathtaking, exalted, formidable, grand, impressive, mind-blowing, overwhelming, wondrous, striking, and stunning Sosuke Aizen. And yes, all of those adjectives are necessary and taken straight out of the thesaurus.<p>

Battles were the most interesting, even though he could possibly be chopped off and fed to the demons. Were there demons in the Soul Society? Probably. He'd only been there once, when he was born. But other than that, he'd just lived in Hueco Mundo. And, must he admit, a few of the Arrancar girls had some pretty epic hair. Like the purple ponytail of that one Cirucci chick. Ho-ly shit, that was one hot ponytail.

It was a lonely life, though. He only had Sosuke for company, and though his host was great, powerful, magical, mystical, astonishing, awe-inspiring, beautiful, breathtaking, exalted, formidable, grand, impressive, mind-blowing, overwhelming, wondrous, striking, and stunning, it didn't make up for the company of some other hair. Even the dull black hair of the emospada had some company. And it was shiny, orange company. Orange was almost as good as purple.

At least he got to meet with one of Loly's ponytail's every week or so. Being the great, powerful, magical, mystical, astonishing, awe-inspiring, beautiful, breathtaking, exalted, formidabkle, grand, impressive, mind-blowing, overwhelming, wondrous, striking, and stunning ruler of Hueco Mundo was very stressful for Sosuke, and the guy had to have some way to relieve the stress.

As shiny and pretty as Loly's right ponytail was, he still had his eye on the left ponytail of Cirucci. So, he decided to bring it up to Sosuke one day.

~Yo.. Sosuke...~

"What do you wish, my hair curl?" Sosuke asked, bringing his hand up to brush the strand of hair.

~Bro, don't do that. It's kind of weird.~

"Sorry. Continue your request."

~I wanna hook up with Cirucci's left ponytail.~

Sosuke blinked. "That was extremely straightforward. Well, if you wish it, it must happen. I will invite her to my chambers tonight."

~Sweet.~

The day couldn't pass faster. Sosuke Aizen's hair curl was nervous and jumpy - well, as jumpy as a hair curl could be... he swore he was curled a little more than usual - the entire day.

Even the sexyspada mentioned it. "Aizen-" the blind guy glared at sexyspada. "Er, I mean, Lord Aizen, your hair curl is really curled. Like, my random strands find it disturbing."

"For your information, he has a date tonight," Sosuke said. Sexyspada nodded slowly.

"Yeah, okay. I'm gonna go kill someone random now. I heard Ichigo Kurosaki was in the neighborhood. See ya."

Finally, night came. Sosuke Aizen's hair curl was extremely curled, almost to the top of his forehead. It annoyed Sosuke, the hair curl could tell. But that was nothing compared to when Cirucci entered Sosuke's chambers, left ponytail shiny and lustrous and beautiful. The hair curl frizzed out, spraying everywhere.

"Lord Aizen, what's up with your hair curl?" Cirucci asked, tilting her head to the side. The purple ponytail bounced up and down seductively.

"It's nervous. Come closer. It's in love with your left ponytail," Sosuke instructed. The ponytail came closer, closer, closer. Sosuke Aizen's hair curl thought it was going to die.

~Cirucci's left ponytail, I'm in love with you!~ the hair curl proclaimed.

~Ewwwwwww!~ the ponytail screamed. ~If I engaged in sexual intercourse for hair with you, that would be cheating on Grimmjow's middle random strand!~

I think it's safe to say that Sosuke Aizen's hair curl was depressed for quite a long time.

Well, until he saw another purple ponytail, this one darker and shiny and lustrous...

~Yo, Sosuke, see that chick over there?~

* * *

><p><strong>I kinda like it. x3 What do you think?<strong>


	20. Stalker

**Title: Stalker**

**Word Count: 479**

**Pairings/Characters: Renji x Nemu**

**Summary: The greatest stalkers come from the Twelfth Division.**

**Prompt/Quote: Requested by The Layman.**

* * *

><p>She was still watching him.<p>

It had all started one day a few weeks ago. He'd been out with Izuru and Shuhei, just having a good time, when he felt eyes on him. When he turned around, all he saw was the tip of black braid whipping away.

There were only two people he knew that had black hair in a braid. Captain Unohana and Lieutenant Kurotsuchi.

Seeing as Captain Unohana's braid was in the front and much thicker than the one he'd seen, Renji had figured it was Lieutenant Kurotsuchi.

He had actually seen her watching him a few days ago. She was just standing outside his window, staring at him.

It was freaking creepy.

It was because of her creepiness that he decided to go down to the Twelfth Division and sort it all out. Generally, he wouldn't go down to the Twelfth Division if it were the last place in the Soul Society, but he figured he could risk his life just this once.

But she was still staring at him. She had followed him all the way from the Sixth Squad's barracks here, and now she was standing right behind him, still staring.

A man with horns growing out of his head walked into view. "Lieutenant Abarai, what are you doing here?" the man asked. Renji would normally be worried that some Squad Twelve freak knew his name, but he'd gotten used to random people talking to him.

"I... er..." Renji said, looking back at the girl standing behind him. "Do you know how I could get rid of her?"

The man rolled his eyes. "Get sick of your old one?"

"I like his hair," the lieutenant said, flash-stepping to stand beside Renji. "It's bright."

"Should we make a copy of him, too?"

Lieutenant Kurotsuchi nodded.

"Wait a minute, copy? I never agreed to-"

Renji woke up in an operating room a few hours later. "What..." he muttered, squinting. He could just barely make out the form of Lieutenant Kurotsuchi above him. She was leaning over him, staring at him through unblinking green eyes. "He's awake," she said softly.

"Wait a minute!" Renji cried, struggling against the... ropes? Something like that. Well, struggling against whatever was keeping him on the table. "Can't we- isn't there- can I not be operated on?"

Lieutenant Kurotsuchi's face disappeared for a moment, and the horned man was seen once again. "Nemu says that if you marry her tomorrow, she won't make a copy of you."

"Wha-" One look from the horned man silenced him. Renji gulped. "Okay."

Lieutenant Kurotsuchi was at his side in a flash. "I have everything picked out," she said quietly. "The ceremony is tomorrow. Please invite your friends."

Won't that be awkward? Renji mused as he was cut free. Going up to Rukia or Shuhei or Izuru and saying 'Hey, I'm getting married tomorrow!'


	21. Yumichika's Christmas Party

**Title: Yumichika's Christmas Party**

**Word Count: 946**

**Pairings/Characters: Many characters and pairings. Notable pairings are Yumichika x Ikkaku, Tatsuki x Mizuiro, and Tesla x Orihime**

**Summary: Yet another party in Las Noches. Only thing different? This time it's a Christmas Party.**

**Prompt/Quote: Christmas! :D**

* * *

><p><em>Yumichika's Christmas Party<em>

_Bring presents for your friends + one for your beautiful host! :)_

_Everyone's welcome! You don't even have to be beautiful, as long as you bring your beautiful ghost a gift! :D_

Ikkaku rolled his eyes. Of course he would do something like this. When was it taking place? His eyes skimmed the rest of the invitation. Ah. Tomorrow. Well, he should probably start shopping... give someone a list and make them do it.

* * *

><p>"Why am I invited?" Grimmjow wondered, glaring at the lavender invitation. Many other Arrancar, Visoreds, and Humans were wondering the same thing.<p>

* * *

><p>Yumichika was wearing his new kimono, greeting guests as they came in. "You can put the gifts under the tree," he informed a rather present-laden Rukia. She nodded gratefully and dumped them rather ungracefully under the gigantic Christmas tree. How had Yumichika managed to rent out Aizen's meeting room, anyway?<p>

After a few more people entered - most of them Arrancar who had taken a wrong turn - Yumichika shut the door and locked it. "Now we are going to listen to Christmas music as we open presents," he said, nodding to Aizen, who plugged his iPod into the gigantic speakers recently installed in the meeting room.

Yumichika clapped his hands twice and a group of members from Squad Two raced around the room, shoving people onto couches that had just appeared and piling presents in front of them. Yumichika looked delighted at the sheer number of presents he received, as if he'd forgotten that he'd explicitly stated that if you didn't get him a present, you couldn't come.

The fact that his present from Yachiru was chirping, however, and it was kind of freaking him out.

"I wanna open my presents first!" Yachiru chirped, bouncing up and down on Kenpachi's lap. Yumichika sighed.

"Okay... but open the one from me first," he said. She nodded.

"What one's from him, Kenny?" she asked, looking at the mass of presents in front of her.

"This one," Kenpachi said, pulling it from the bottom roughly. Everyone in the room winced as the rest of the presents fell to the ground with a thump.

Yachiru tore off the wrapping paper, only to find a box. "You got me a box!"

"Look inside the box," Yumichika said, rolling his eyes. She smiled and opened the box.

"Ohh! A kitty!" At this, everyone ripped open the first gift they could find. Yumichika facepalmed and decided to just let them do whatever they wanted.

Nnoitra glared at Yachiru when he opened his present consisting of spoons from all over the world. He would have probably gotten up and smacked her, but Kenpachi was looking rather protective of his little girl.

Ulquiorra didn't say anything out loud, but when he opened the new Linkin Park album from Orihime he was screaming on the inside with glee.

Grimmjow set up his present from Orihime in the corner, inviting anyone and everyone to come work out with him. Nobody joined him.

Orihime seemed to have gotten the perfect gifts for everyone, because as soon as Tesla opened his new Old Spice, he squealed with delight and hugged her, blushing soon after.

"Um... sorry..." he muttered, looking down at the ground. "I was just out... Have you opened your present from me yet?"

Orihime ripped open the small package and an eyepatch fell out. Tesla blushed again. "It's so... well... you match us now..."

Tesla then left. He was later seen working out with Grimmjow, muttering something about how 'she won't like me if I'm as un-muscly as I am now!' And yes, he did actually use the word 'un-muscly.'

Everyone, upon opening Rukia's gift, rolled their eyes and threw it back to her. Except Ashido, who opened his Chappy lunchbox, ate the contents, and then threw it back to Rukia.

Rukia was happy.

Aizen was creepily accurate in what to get people. Gin recieved a black trench coat and a black fedora and wore them the rest of the night, creeping out random guests. Momo opened the envelope her gift was in and promptly fainted, clutching the picture to her chest. Hitsugaya's envelope simply held a note that said 'HA HA HA.'

When he took a peek at Momo's gift he understood.

Tatsuki received the most expensive work-out clothes from Victoria's Secret and promptly kissed Mizuiro on the cheek, then hit him for knowing what size she wore.

Even Chojiro Sasakibe received a present. He burst into tears upon receiving it, and didn't even bother to open it.

It was from Rukia. Everyone knew what it was going to be.

Ikkaku felt something weird in his shihakusho. "Damn it..." he muttered, pulling out a box. "I forgot to wrap it. Hey, Yumichika!"

The beauty turned away from Luppi Antenor, who had been thanking him for the new Arrancar uniform. Hey, wasn't he dead?

Come to think of it, weren't half of the people who were here dead?

"What do you want, Ikkaku?" Yumichika asked.

"I forgot about your present," Ikkaku said. Just then, he tripped, and as he was getting up on one knee, held the small jewelry box out. Somewhere along the line, it had opened.

Everyone in the room gasped. Even Nnoitra, who was watching his new Spongebob episodes. Even Grimmjow and Tesla, who were having an intense workout session. Even Momo, who was unconscious.

"Ikkaku..." Yumichika breathed. There was silence. Ikkaku looked up.

"What? Yeah, it's pretty... I saw you looking at it, so I bought it for you for Christmas. What's the problem?" Ikkaku asked.

Yumichika tackled him and hugged him. "Yes! I will marry you!"

Ikkaku blinked. "Wait a minute, what?"


	22. Emotions

**Title: Emotions**

**Word Count: 476**

**Pairings/Characters: Mayuri Kurotsuchi; Nemu Kurotsuchi; mentionings of Akon, Uryu Ishida, and Szayel Aporro Granz**

**Summary: Nemu reflects on being the daughter of Mayuri Kurotsuchi. Mild spoilers for the battle between Szayel Aporro Granz and Mayuri Kurotsuchi+Nemu.**

**Prompt/Quote: Requested by Hotaruhara: 'Uhm... Will it be okay if I request something with both Mayuri and Nemu? Without getting them paired in a romantic way? Thanks ^^"'**

* * *

><p>She watched most of the time. After their fail with Uryu Ishida, he'd dismissed her as mostly useless and she was cursed to a life on the sidelines, when all she really wanted to be doing was fighting beside her father.<p>

It may be true that she was void of most emotions, but she did feel a sort of loyalty to her father. And when they had destroyed the eighth Espada together, she couldn't help but feel a little flutter of pride at how she had participated.

Of course, after Szayel Aporro Granz had been defeated and the other two healed, there had been nothing to do but go through Szayel Aporro Granz's work. They both enjoyed that sort of thing. She was happy to have something in common with her father.

Akon would really enjoy being in Hueco Mundo right now. He liked this sort of stuff, too.

But once they got done with that - and done with experimenting on every living thing that they could get their hands on - there really was nothing to do. He didn't want to admit it, but she knew that it was true. Why else would he be pacing irritably, muttering random words under his breath?

Another sign that it was true was that he had actually asked her opinion on what they should do next. She had rather untactfully suggested helping the others with their fights.

He'd refused, but it had given him an idea on what to do next, and that was always good. He'd started to work on getting them out of there, which he really should have started ages ago. But she wasn't going to mention that to him. She should have thought of it and forged something in his handwriting to remind him.

She'd done that more and more frequently lately. Once she had made the mistake of not forging his handwriting, and that had been a mistake. Something must have been bothering him.

She was sure he'd tell her if it was of any importance. He ranted a lot, about the idiocy of the rest of the Shinigami, the Lieutenant of Squad Eleven - there was one thing they did not agree on; she was quite fond of Lieutenant Kusajishi, and how nobody could manage to do anything right except himself (Akon was mentioned in the list of competent people once or twice a month, but never more than that).

But he was fairly happy at the exact moment. He was always fairly happy when he was busy, unless someone - or something - interrupted him. She always stood nearby, but not too close, when he was working on something, in case he needed assistance. He rarely did, but if she was needed, it was in her best interests to stay nearby.

It wasn't like there was anything else to do.


	23. The Sexy Sexta Strikes Again

**Title: The Sexy Sexta Strikes Again**

**Word Count: 382**

**Pairings/Characters: Grimmjow x Halibel**

**Summary: It really was kind of funny that Espada number three was always female. And also very convenient.**

**Prompt/Quote: Requested by 10WeaponsKunoichi10: 'Please do a HarribelXGrimmjow!'**

* * *

><p>It was kind of funny that Espada number three was always a girl. Nel, and now Tia Halibel.<p>

What was also kind of funny was the fact that both of them were fucking hot.

After cornering one of Halibel's fraccion, Grimmjow had learned that Tia Halibel was not interested in a relationship. That was going to have to change.

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez was not the most subtle of Arrancar. For example, when someone else would send flowers, Grimmjow would appear at their door naked. (This had worked every time he'd tried it.) He decided to do the same with Halibel.

The only problem was that nobody was answering the door, and it was pretty cold in Las Noches at night with nothing on. He knocked one more time, deciding that if nobody answered, he'd just barge right in.

Nobody answered. Damn it. Well, at least he'd get to make a dramatic entrance. Should he just kick down the door or cero it?

Ah, ceros were more fun. Just as he was getting ready to blast the door to hell, one of Tia's fraccion opened it. The conservative one. Green hair and purple eyes. She blushed when she saw him, covering her face with her sleeve.

"Y-you have a visitor, Mistress Halibel," the girl said. Grimmjow smirked. Oh yes. She was definitely checking him out.

Tia Halibel herself came to the door. Ah, she wasn't wearing her top. It was a damn shame her hollow mask covered most of her boobs.

"What do you want?" she asked coldly. Grimmjow grinned.

"I think you know what I want. You should probably send your fraccion outside, unless you're up for a..." he trailed off, letting her work out the implication. She narrowed her eyes.

"Fine. Sung-Sun. Mila-Rose. Apacci. Out," she snapped. Grimmjow smirked. Haha. It had worked with Nel, Cirucci, and Luppi, before he'd realized Luppi was a guy, so of course it would work with Miss Number Three.

Grimmjow stepped inside, winking at the three girls as they left. They all had equally hilarious reactions.

"So, I know it would be pretty awkward to do the whole 'kiss' thing with your mask, so I figured we should just do it. See, I've got a-" Grimmjow was cut off.

You can all imagine what happened next.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh wow. These really are getting short. But, anyway. My plan.<strong>

**This story is going to be updated between chapters of my other fanfictions. Which means I'll update another fanfiction, this one, another fanfiction... et cetera. x3**

**So, that means this one's special.**

**Or I really see no end in sight.**

**Anyway, keep requesting! I only have two in line, and though it's fun to think up my own ideas, it's more fun to work with a prompt...**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed!**


	24. Ice Cream

**Title: Ice Cream**

**Word Count: 571**

**Pairings/Characters: Mizuiro/Tatsuki {I tried not to pair them together. It didn't work.}, Keigo, Orihime, Renji/Tatsuki**

**Summary: Ah, the joys of 'coincidentally' running into attractive females while getting ice cream. **

**Prompt/Quote: Requested by madin456: 'hmm...how about what a normal day's like with mizuro and keig****o?'. Also inspired by the song 'Beekeeper's Daughter' by The All-American Rejects.**

* * *

><p>It was pretty much a coincidence that Keigo and Mizuiro ran into Tatsuki and Orihime while getting ice cream.<p>

(Pretty much a coincidence as in Keigo used Ichigo's phone to get Orihime to want to get ice cream.)

It was slightly awkward, to say the least. Luckily, Mizuiro was present. "Hi Tatsuki, hi Orihime!" he said cheerfully, smiling. "Have you picked your ice cream yet?"

Orihime shook her head, eyes wide as she looked at all of the flavors. She was thinking of getting a combination of cotton candy, Reese's peanut butter cup, and mint chocolate chip.

"Yep," Tatsuki said. She walked up to the counter. "I'll have a single scoop vanilla."

She started to get out her wallet to pay, but it was like Mizuiro could flash-step or something, because he was already holding out the money. "Add a single-scoop cookie dough to that, too."

"What are you doing?" Tatsuki hissed, grabbing his arm. He looked at her, completely innocent look on his face.

"Paying for your ice cream, what do you think? Orihime, I'll pay for yours when you decide," Mizuiro said, looking back at the bright-haired girl.

"No, I will!" Keigo said. "Mizuiro, I need money."

Mizuiro rolled his eyes and handed Keigo the money. Tatsuki snorted. "So, why?"

"Why not?" Mizuiro said, shrugging. "Can't a young man pay for a pretty girl's- um, I mean, I've got money, why not pay?"

Mizuiro tried to turn of his charm when talking to Tatsuki. He was under the impression that it kind of freaked her out.

He was right. Not only was it weird that it was _Mizuiro_, but the fact that any guy was talking to her like that... Tatsuki didn't really like it. It made her blush.

She didn't like that, either.

Eventually, Orihime decided. Everyone was fairly certain that they had gotten her order wrong, but nobody was going to say anything.

They decided to take a walk.

(Or, Keigo said, "Let's take a walk!", grabbed Orihime's arm, and pulled her away. Tatsuki kicked him in the back of the head. Keigo decided to just stare at her.)

They passed Ichigo killing some random hollow, but ignored it. They were having a nice, normal day with ice cream. Ice cream was good. Normal was good. Pretending that they didn't see random Shinigami killing random hollows was also good.

"So, what have you girls been up to?" Mizuiro asked, looking directly at Tatsuki. Orihime answered.

"We've just been hanging out," she said, shrugging and giggling a little. Keigo was still staring at her.

Tatsuki nodded. "Just hanging out," she repeated. Mizuiro smiled.

"Sounds like exactly what me and Keigo have been doing. Maybe we can hang out together again sometime," Mizuiro said. Then, as if flipping a switch, he turned on the charm. "I think it would be great if it was just us two, though." He winked.

Tatsuki's eyes widened and she blushed. She looked around. Ah! A random Shinigami was killing a random hollow! She grabbed the red pineapple's arm. "Sorry, I'm in love with this guy!"

"Wha- Who are you?" Renji asked, completely confused.

"Ichigo's friend. Come on, we're in love," Tatsuki said, leading him away. The hollow walked off to go eat some people. Nobody cared.

Mizuiro sighed. "She'll get used to the charm eventually."

Keigo and Orihime left, leaving Mizuiro to mull over his problems in the middle of a busy street.

* * *

><p><strong>Why must I be so obsessed with Mizuiro x Tatsuki?<br>That pairing manages to sneak into every. oneshot. I. write. **

**And my profile picture! :D**


	25. The Joys of Being Byakuya Kuchiki

**Title: The Joys of Being Byakuya Kuchiki**

**Word Count: 217**

**Pairings/Characters: Byakuya, Rukia, Renji, a bit of Shuuhei**

**Summary: Nobody will believe Renji. Nobody. **

**Prompt/Quote: Requested by "nemo": 'I would like to request some Byakuya and Rukia (but as siblings...I think they're weird as a couple...it's just a little...wrong...)'**

* * *

><p>"And that's why I should be allowed to stay in the world of the living for another three months!"<p>

Byakuya blinked. "You want to stay in the world of the living for three more months," he said slowly.

Rukia nodded, grinning larger than he had when he had given her a large, stuffed Chappy on her birthday.

"Where are you planning on staying?"

Rukia bit her lip. Byakuya watched her closely. What she said next was either going to be the hesitantly given up truth, or an outright lie. But it didn't matter either way. He had made arrangements for her to stay at Urahara's shop. It was always amusing to see what she came up with for excuses to stay in the world of the living.

"Well... I stayed with Ichigo last-"

"Absolutely not. You aren't going back to the human world until Kurosaki is dead," Byakuya said, crossing his arms. He kind of liked overreacting to things.

"B-but..." Rukia looked at him, eyes huge. Byakuya had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. He enjoyed this.

"That is all. You may leave." Almost as soon as Rukia left, Byakuya began to giggle.

"Um... Captain?"

Renji.

Byakuya stopped. "Lieutenant Abarai."

"What were you _doing_?" Renji asked, eyes wide.

"That does not matter. Good day," Byakuya said, breezing past him. Only once he was halfway to his new destination did he realize that he probably should tell Rukia that she _was_ actually going to the world of the living, and that she would simply stay at Urahara's shop.

He could deal with that later. Or not. He could simply jot it down on a random piece of paper that she /might/ find, then watch her rush to get ready.

Ah, the joys of being Byakuya Kuchiki.

* * *

><p>"I swear, he was giggling," Renji hissed. Shuuhei looked at him skeptically.<p>

"Are you sure?"

* * *

><p><strong>Um… well, I like the beginning. x3 I wasn't quite sure how to end it. <strong>


	26. Nel's Totally Sensible and Safe Idea

**Title: Nel's Totally Sensible and Safe Idea**

**Word Count: 739**

**Pairings/Characters: Nel, Tesla, Grimmjow, Luppi, slight Luppi/Grimmjow**

**Summary: Beware when Nel gets bored, no matter who you are. BEWARE.**

**Prompt/Quote: Requested by TheCatInTheHat: "Can you do something with kid Nel, Pesche, and Dondochakka? Maybe Bawabawa too?"**

* * *

><p>"Endless Tag is getting boring," Nel complained. She stretched and succeeding in capturing her foot, proceeding to bring said foot up to her mouth. She chewed on it between words. "We need a new game!"<p>

Pesche and Dondochakka looked at each other. "I dunno a new game," was the answer. Nel pouted and sucked on her big toe.

"LET'S BOTHER ESPADAS!"

And that was the beginning of a completely... _wonderful_ and _sensible_ idea.

* * *

><p>TARGET ONE: FRACCION TESLA LINDOCRUZ<p>

Tesla was having an average day. Just an average day. At the moment, he was waiting for the spoon-hood - erm, super-magical-hood-of-awesomeness (Tesla took no chances, even in his thoughts - what if the wonderful Master Nnoitra could read minds? He would be screwed. And not in the good way. Though that was also a possibility... focus, Tesla, focus) hood of his Master Nnoitra to finish sanitizing. It had to sanitize for a certain amount of time - down to the second - or it would be completely ruined.

And Tesla really couldn't afford to get Master Nnoitra a new one. He couldn't have it taken out of his paycheck, because Tesla didn't _get_ a paycheck.

Neither did Master Nnoitra.

Why did they pay the clothes people, then?

Did they pay the clothes people?

Sometimes it was just best to not ponder things. It brought up multiple questions that were totally unnecessary.

"Eighty-seven, eighty-eight, eighty-nine..." Tesla whipped the hood out of the sanitation-bucket-thingy and quickly spread it across the sheet he'd previously laid on the (rather dirty) floor. "I am awesome at this."

Suddenly, he heard giggles. Why were there giggles? Master Nnoitra didn't giggle. He didn't giggle (very much).

"Shh!"

Now Tesla knew something was up. Nobody in Las Noches had a voice like that. Well, except maybe some of the random female fraccion, but Tesla didn't pay attention to random female fraccion. He was Master Nnoitra's property, and good property did not fraternize with the enemy.

Master Nnoitra always called the female gender 'the enemy.'

"Go!"

And then Tesla was tackled into the sanitation-bucket-thingy. He saw a flash of green, and then he was alone, stuck in the sanitation-bucket-thingy.

"Um, help?" he called meekly.

* * *

><p>TARGET TWO: SEXTA ESPADA GRIMMJOW JAEGERJAQUEZ<p>

"I'm sexy and I know it..." Grimmjow sang quietly as he wandered around Las Noches. He'd gone down to the world of the living the other day and that song had _called_ to him, and it was now his theme song. He played the chorus every time he entered a room.

A little Arrancar girl was right in front of him. Grimmjow, always the nice when no-one was looking guy, decided to see what was up. "Hey, what're you doing here?" he called in his best nice voice. Which, to be honest, was kind of scary.

"I heard you singin' dat song," the girl said, looking up at him through creepy, mud-colored eyes. "What does 'sexy' mean?"

This was a predicament. How did one explain the concept of 'sexy' to a young girl? Grimmjow thought for a minute, then grinned. "Definition of sexy - Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez."

He went on his merry way, not stopping until he saw a weird-looking Arrancar. "What's the definition of 'Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez."

"Um..." Grimmjow wasn't stupid by all means, but even he had no idea how to define his own name. "Uh... me."

A few minutes later, he ran into Tia Halibel. "I swear, if you ask me what 'me' means I will rip your fucking head off!" Grimmjow growled, racing away.

Tia watched him go. "I just wanted to borrow his theme song..." she muttered.

* * *

><p>TARGET THREE: TEMPORARY SEXTA ESPADA LUPPI ANTENOR<p>

Luppi was sulking about Grimmjow killing him, as usual. "He's so _annoying_. And so _freaking_ sexy..."

"Miss?" someone asked. Luppi, figuring that there was some other _female_ Arrancar behind him. He was wrong. "Miss Antenor?"

Luppi whipped around, only to be faced with thin air. "I'm hearing things... probably comes with being dead and not really supposed to be being in this fanfiction..."

"What's a fanfiction?"

"I don't know..."

Luppi was sure he'd heard something that time. "Hey! Whoever it is, come out now or I'll... I'll kill you!"

A little girl walked meekly out from behind... thin air... "I saw Grimmyjow, and he says dat he wants to take you to dinner," she said.

To his credit, Luppi saved screaming happily until he got back to his room.

* * *

><p><strong>Haha, it's been a while, hasn't it? xP But, anyway, I hope you liked it.<strong>

**OFF TO MY JACK X ROGER. :D**

**(oh, did I mention I've become obsessed with Lord of the Flies? No? Well, I have.)**


	27. Damn Those Average, Boring Days

**Title: Damn Those Average, Boring Days**

**Word Count: 1005**

**Pairings/Characters: The girls of Karakura High, Yoruichi, Keigo, slight Mizuiro x Tatsuki and slight Chizuru x Orihime**

**Summary: An average, boring day? Time for a mini track meet!**

**Requested by: The Layman: 'How about doing something with the Girls of Karakura high? (I.e. Ryo, Mahana, Michiru, Chizuru, Tatsuki, and Orihime.) They're imense fun to write and usually get forgotten behind the characters with supernatural powers, so how about that? For a prompt for them, let's try..."compitition".'**

* * *

><p>It was an average, boring day in Karakura. There were no random people with spiritual powers running around - in fact, Ichigo Kurosaki was on vacation - and it was just a lovely day.<p>

Not everyone was enjoying the lovely boringness of the day, however. Tatsuki Arisawa didn't like being bored, and there she was, stuck with nothing to do. There couldn't even be any Mizuiro x Tatsuki, seeing as Mizuiro was on vacation, too.

"I'll just go to Orihime's," she muttered under her breath. She figured that Orihime wouldn't have anything going on, either, considering Kurosaki and all of his weird friends were gone. (Ishida and Chad weren't, but Tatsuki couldn't see Orihime hanging around them if Ichigo was gone.)

Tatsuki knocked on the door of Orihime's apartment. There was no answer. Either Orihime was sleeping or so caught up in something she didn't hear the door. Tatsuki could just let herself in.

When she did, she was faced with the most horrifying scene she had ever seen in her life.

Chizuru Honsho had pinned Orihime down and was doing _creepy_ things to her. Orihime was just looking up at Chizuru eyes wide. She was silent. Tatsuki looked closer. Yep. Exactly what she had thought the first time. Well, it was time to get the lesbian freak away from her best friend.

A kick to the head worked quite well. Orihime sat up. "Hi Tatsuki!" she said cheerfully. Tatsuki glared at Chizuru.

"Why do you let her _do_ that?" she asked through gritted teeth. Orihime shrugged, changing the subject.

"I'm bored," she said. A few seconds later she had an idea. "Let's invite Ryo and Michiru and Mahana over!" Not waiting for anyone to say anything, she was on the phone. A few minutes later - it was really weird how fast they got there, it was like the author was too lazy to make them take longer - the three girls arrived. Together, coincidentally.

"Now that we're here, what do we do?" Ryo asked. Orihime shrugged.

"I dunno!" she chirped. Tatsuki rolled her eyes. Of course, she didn't have an idea either- wait a minute.

"Let's have a competition," she said, smirking.

"What kind of competition?" Michiru asked.

"We could have a bunch of races, and throw stuff, and jump!" Orihime said happily. "And I know who could keep track of everything! I'll be right back!"

Even though the place Orihime was going was not very close to her house, she was back in mere minutes, a dark-skinned woman in tow. Yoruichi Shihoin crossed her arms.

"So, you want me to judge for your little competition?" she asked. Orihime nodded enthusiastically. Tatsuki shrugged.

"Yeah, sure."

* * *

><p>"The 100 meter dash will begin soon! Please line up at the starting line!" Keigo yelled through a megaphone.<p>

Nobody was sure why Keigo was there. He'd just shown up with a megaphone and announced that he was to be the announcer.

The girls had split into teams of two. Tatsuki and Orihime, Ryo and Michiru, and Chizuru and Mahana. Chizuru had wanted to be with Orihime, but after another kick to the head she'd given up.

A bunch of weird-looking people Tatsuki had never seen before were standing at the finish line. Every one of them had been assigned one of the girls.

Yoruichi blew the whistle - they'd decided against firing off a gun - and they were off. Tatsuki was in third... or at least she was, until Chizuru tripped her. They both went down, rolling across the track and, knocking Mahana down in the process, rolled into the long jump pit.

Keigo managed to take a few pictures of the three scantily clad females tangled up in the long jump pit before they got up. Luckily for him, Tatsuki didn't notice.

Orihime came bounding over. "Tatsuki! Tatsuki, I got second!" she cheered. "That means we get two points for us! Our team's in second place!"

Tatsuki got up, brushing the sand off of her. "High jump's next," she said. Orihime grinned.

"I love high jump! Is that the one where you jump over the bar-thing?" Orihime asked. Tatsuki nodded. She grinned again.

The rest of the day went fairly smoothly, apart from a few accidents involving Orihime and her flimsy, slightly see-through tanktop coming off.

Keigo and Chizuru formed an alliance.

Finally, it was time for the last event of the day - the 400 meter. The six girls lined up at their respective starting lines, and Yoruichi blew the whistle.

Tatsuki ran as fast as she could. She'd made sure to not stand beside Chizuru this time, and it was working out well for her. Just a few more feet to the finish line...

And she crossed it. There wasn't anything dramatic that happened, she simply crossed the finish line. The short, blonde girl told her her time. The competition was over.

And it was starting to rain, but that was irrelevant. Except for the fact that Tatsuki and Orihime's 'uniforms' were white. Keigo took a picture of Tatsuki when she wasn't looking and sent it to Mizuiro, because we can't go a oneshot about Tatsuki or Mizuiro without some sort of Mizuiro x Tatsuki.

Keigo also took a picture of Orihime and sent it to Chizuru, because of the rules of their new alliance.

It was time for the awards ceremony. Yoruichi stood at a podium that hadn't been there a few seconds earlier. Kisuke Urahara was holding an umbrella over her and Keigo's megaphone.

"I'm going to keep this quick, because it's raining and I think a thunderstorm might be on its way, so Ryo and Michiru's team got first place, Tatsuki and Orihime got second, and Chizuru and Mahana got third. The end, Keigo has your prizes," Yoruichi said. Her, Urahara, and all of the random people disappeared. Keigo handed out the medals and ice cream certificates quickly and left also.

"That was fun!" Orihime said on the walk back to her house. "We should do that again tomorrow!"

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you enjoyed. :) Don't forget to leave a review! Oh, and I am kind of running out of requests, so feel free to request! :D<strong>


	28. I'll Give You a Try

**Title: I'll Give You a Try**

**Word count: 756**

**Summary: Shuhei had just been moping. He hadn't expected this to happen. But he was not gay, damn it!**

**Requested by: makaykay15: 'so i have an odd request for a crack pairing between hisagi and kukaku... i mean he loves strong women... and rangiku is kind of in love w/ gin (in my mind anyways... perfect couple) so maybe she could introduce them or something'**

* * *

><p>Shuhei was moping around about lost love. You know, the usual. This time, embarrassingly enough, his 'lost love' showed up right when he was entering the 'anger' stage.<p>

"Shuhei? Why are you glaring at that random Rukongai child? He looks kind of scared."

Shuhei looked up. Said Rukongai child scampered away, thankful that his life had been spared. Later, when he recounted the tale to his 'older brother', he learned what the tattoo on Shuhei's face meant.

Once old enough, this Rukongai child tattooed the exact same tattoo across the bridge of his nose. And giggled every time he looked in the mirror.

(No, he did not join the Thirteen Court Guard squads. He was going to, but he was too stupid to pass the entrance exam.)

But, anyway, back to our story. Shuhei glanced at Rangiku, staring at her breasts for a few minutes. (Read: So long that Rangiku got bored and started to leave.)

Before she could leave, however, Shuhei caught her arm. "Sorry," he said. "But are you busy right now? I'm kind of-"

"Alone? The prisoner of unrequited love?" Rangiku asked, pressing her hand to her chest. Shuhei blinked. That was oddly specific.

"...Yeah, you could say that," he said, looking closer at her. Was she drunk? Probably. Well, that was no surprise.

"I know what'll take your mind off of him!" Rangiku squealed. Shuhei blinked.

"Um, him?"

"You aren't gay?"

"...no. No, Rangiku, I am not gay," Shuhei said. Well. That kind of explained a lot.

Rangiku paused. "Oh. Well. I was going to hook you up with Yumichika, but seeing as your not gay... are you sure you're not gay?"

"Rangiku. I am positively sure I am not gay."

"Oh. Okay. Well, I have a friend for you to meet! Actually, I just met her yesterday, but she's cool. Her name is Ku-ka-ku," Rangiku said, pronouncing the name carefully. Shuhei shrugged. What did he have to lose?

A few wrong turns later, they arrived at the Shiba's. Rangiku pushed Shuhei to the door, shouted, "Kukaku! I found you a boyfriend!" and left.

Shuhei stood there awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. He waited. And waited. And waited. And heard an explosion. And waited. And waited. And, finally, a rather weird-looking dude opened the door. "Yep?"

"I'm here to see Kukaku?" Shuhei asked. "I think?"

"Hey, sis!" the man yelled. "There's a soul reaper here to see you!"

A few moments later, Shuhei was faced with a woman. But this woman... well... her boobs were pretty close in size with Rangiku's. He didn't think he would be able to tear his eyes away from them, but he did, and they trailed up to rest on her large green eyes. "Who're you?" she asked. Shuhei took a deep breath.

"Shuhei Hisagi. Rangiku sent me?"

Kukaku looked confused. "Rangiku said Shuhei was her gay best friend."

"I'm not actually gay. But. Um. Rangiku said that... didn't you hear her?" Shuhei asked. He really didn't want to tell this woman that he was sent to be her lover. He wasn't sure how she'd react.

"Nope."

"Damn it," Shuhei muttered under his breath. "But. Um. I'm supposed to be..."

Kukaku was rolling her eyes now. "Ganju. Get outta here," she said. After a bit of confusion and Ganju running into walls, Kukaku turned back to Shuhei. He took a step back, and she took a few steps forward.

"Lemme guess. From the way you were staring at my boobs earlier, you liked Rangiku and she dumped you on me so she didn't have to deal with you, right?"

Shuhei opened his mouth to defend himself or Rangiku, but figured that Kukaku was pretty much right. "Yeah. That's about right."

Kukaku looked at him in a very scary, calculating way. Her face split into a slightly disturbing, maniacal grin. "Not bad. Okay. I'll give you a try."

With that Shuhei was pulled into the Shiba household for some things that do not fit in with the T rating we're trying to keep with this oneshot collection. Let's just say both Ganju and that random Rukongai child that we'd met earlier will have nightmares for a week. Especially Ganju, seeing as he accidentally walked in on them halfway through.

He left with a broken nose and some prime nightmare material.

Shuhei left the house a while later, shihakusho slightly skewed. He blinked, trying to figure out where he was. "Good thing it was my day off..." he muttered, stumbling to where he thought the Seireitei was.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh my god this was so fun. x3 I hope you enjoyed it.<strong>


	29. Three Sides to a Story

**Title: Three Sides to a Story**

**Word Count: 1300**

**Summary: Hiyori Sarugaki have gotten into a fight. Oh boy.**

**Requested by: Nobody. I just thought this up and thought it'd be fun. :D**

* * *

><p>The two Squad Twelvians glared at each other from across the room. Akon's broken arm was hurting, and was in the processed of being fixed, but that didn't stop him from glaring at Hiyori through the eye he could see through. Despite being a lieutenant, Hiyori had managed to acquire a group of scratches on her face, courtesy of Akon's fingernails, and a large bruise on her back from falling off of a roof. Akon had landed on top of her.<p>

Shinji, who was there for no apparent reason, scratched his head. "So, what happened to you two?" he asked, scratching the side of his head. They both started talking at the same time.

"She-"

"-stupid unnecessary comments-"

"-demon-"

"-should be murdered in the most-"

"-I-"

"Enough."

Both ceased to talk and looked at the woman who had spoken, none other than Retsu Unohana. "I think we should learn both sides of the story, don't you?"

"Yes Captain Unohana," they said in unison, then resumed the glaring. "I call going first!"

"Flip a coin," Shinji suggested. "Heads or tails?"

"Heads!" Hiyori yelled. Akon glared at her. He had been going to say heads.

"Tails," he muttered under his breath.

Shinji flipped the coin. It came up tails. Akon smirked and opened his mouth. Hiyori cut him off.

"Where's Urahara?" she asked.

"Shut up. It's my turn," Akon said, sticking out his tongue. Hiyori rounded on him, rolling up her sleeves.

"Want me to black your other eye?"

"Lieutenant Sarugaki, please keep your voice down."

Akon smirked at her again and began his story. "So, anyway..."

* * *

><p>It was a nice day. Because it was such a nice day - and because there had been a major discovery the night before - Mister Mayuri had let Akon go for a walk. And while Akon would have normally preferred to stay in the lab, he literally had not been outside for a week. So he jumped at the chance.<p>

So, Akon was wandering along, being his normal saintly self, when he saw a little girl with really big glasses. And not the one in his division, she was from the Eighth, probably. And she was kind of cute, but that was beside the point. Anyway, he picked her a flower. She blushed and ran away.

The evil demon monster- erm, Hiyori saw this and was immediately jealous. Probably because she was too repulsive for cute boys to even think about picking her flowers. Akon shared Mister Mayuri's original belief that Hiyori was a freakishly long-haired boy.

"Hey!" Hiyori yelled. "Why don't you ever pick me flowers?"

Akon, who was always quick on his feet, and didn't want to immediately offend Hiyori but didn't want to pick her a flower because she was ugly, and, plus, the cute girl could be watching, thought up something that would probably work. "I only give flowers to girls that I like."

"So you're sayin' that I'm not good enough for a flower?" Hiyori asked, her face twisting into an ugly snarl. She advanced. Akon was, for once, speechless.

"Yes?"

And then they'd ended up physically fighting. Akon hadn't want to hit a girl at first, but after she'd knocked him off a roof-

("Bullshit!" Hiyori yelled at this point. Mayuri, who had gotten there with Urahara just in time to hear most of Akon's story, smacked her. Another shouting match ensued, and Captain Unohana had to intervene.)

Anyway, after she'd knocked him off of a roof, he'd figured he should get serious before she killed him. So he scratched her. And the demon- erm, Hiyori, had broken his arm. Actually, his arm might've broken when he fell off the roof. But who cared.

And then random Twelvians had appeared and taken them to where they were now. The end!

* * *

><p>"Why were you on a roof?" Shinji asked.<p>

"Why are you here?"

"Touche."

"Shut up! It's my turn..." Hiyori said. With a slightly devilish gleam in her eye - when wasn't there a devilish gleam in Hiyori's eye? - she began.

* * *

><p>So, anyway, Hiyori was looking for that goddam little brat- erm, Akon, because he'd run off without permission-<p>

("I actually did give him permission to take a short break," Mayuri admitted.

"Shut up, freak, this is my story!")

Anyway, he'd run off without permission, so she'd gone to fetch him. While crouching on a rooftop she saw him give a probably-drug-laced flower to a cute lil' girl and grin creepily at her. The little girl ran off crying.

"Hey! Why don't you ever pick me flowers?" Hiyori yelled, deciding that it would make a great entrance. She leaped off of the roof and landed behind Akon, making him jump.

"Because you're an ugly, unlikeable bitch and I don't like you," Akon said bluntly.

(Akon lunged and had to be restrained.)

Hiyori, naturally, was insulted. "What the hell're you talking about?" she yelled. And then Akon had attacked. With no provocation whatsoever.

Somehow or another, they had ended up on a roof. They stood there, breathing hard. Akon had Hiyori pinned on the corner, and she had nowhere to go. So, she grabbed Akon by the arm-

("The hair, not the arm!")

_By the arm_ and they fell. She landed on the arm she hadn't grabbed onto and it broke audibly. She had landed on a rather large, kind of pointy rock. And then people had shown up and they ended up where they were now.

End.

* * *

><p>"Those are both lovely stories, but I think I have someone who can tell us what really happened," Captain Unohana said, smiling softly - making everyone in the room shudder - and leading out a small, dark-haired girl wearing large glasses. She blushed and took a step back. "It's all right, just tell us what you saw."<p>

"Well..." she said, looking at her feet. "It happened like this..."

* * *

><p>Nanao Ise wanted to see that boy again - did she just say that? No, she'd just wanted to take a walk. Eerily close to the Twelfth Division.<p>

And then that boy had given her a flower, and she'd been so flustered that she'd run off. She decided that she had to apologize to him, so she headed back. He was arguing with Lieutenant Sarugaki.

"Why don't you ever pick me flowers?" the lieutenant had shouted. That boy had shrugged, rolling his eyes.

"Because I don't like you."

And then the lieutenant had attacked that boy. That boy had scrambled up onto the roof to escape-

(Akon had actually been wanting to push her off, but nobody had to know that.)

And the lieutenant had followed him, and after lots of wrestling on the roof, they'd rolled off. That boy had landed on top of Lieutenant Sarugaki, and he'd broken his arm by trying to break his fall on the ground. But all of him had missed the ground except for his arm.

And then the people had come, and then it ended.

* * *

><p>"It was her fault! She attacked first!" Mayuri said triumphantly, jabbing a finger at Hiyori. She jumped to her feet and advanced.<p>

"Hiyori..." Captain Urahara said. She glared at him, kicked him in the balls, and stomped off.

Akon smiled at Nanao. It was good to know her name. "So, you wanna go look for frogs sometime? It's really fun to find them, and put them in a big glass container with just water and holes for air and see which ones eat each other!"

"You are working for a month straight," Mayuri intervened. "I was doing something important, and your stupid little argument interrupted me.

"And my little Nanao is too little to be going on dates," Captain Kyoraku, who had arrived with Nanao, said. "But in, say, a hundred and ten years..."

* * *

><p><strong>Hmm... :) Oh, and thank you to The Layman for my 100th review. :D This is my first story to reach that benchmark and it is awesome.<strong>

**Also, I may not update for a while. I've got a bunch of final projects coming up... so, probably not until summer vacation... school ends May 16, so unless I get a super-really-good-fun idea, don't expect an update. :P Have low expectations. Life is better that way.**

**AurorA**


	30. The Social Experiment

**Title: The Social Experiment**

**Word Count: 1338**

**Summary: "But what if I don't want to get out of the handcuffs?" "What are we going to do about these handcuffs?" "Let's just get rid of these handcuffs." I swear it's not as disturbing as it sounds. It's just a little social experiment, that's all.**

**Requested by: Another one that I thought up myself. It was fun! :D**

* * *

><p>Sometimes it paid to have a ninja girlfriend. Not that she was his girlfriend. Correction – sometimes it paid to have a ninja friend. That happened to be a girl. A super attractive girl. A super attractive girl that sometimes did R-rated things with him.<p>

But, anyway, it paid to have a ninja not-girlfriend when you wanted to do a social experiment. Then your ninja not-girlfriend could capture people and handcuff them to each other while you watched the hilarious outcome.

But it was a social experiment, so it was A-OK!

Kisuke Urahara worried about his mental health sometimes. Hey, the first two were waking up!

* * *

><p>The spoon leered at her, and Tatsuki jerked away, only to find herself unable to move any farther away from him.<p>

"What bastard would handcuff us together?" she yelled. The spoon shrugged.

"Maybe one that _fucking loves me!_" Nnoitra cackled, grabbing at Tatsuki. She promptly kicked him in the balls. "Hey!"

"Fucking pervert," Tatsuki muttered under her breath. "If we wanna get out of these handcuffs, we've gotta work together."

"But what if I don't want to get out of the handcuffs?"

She kicked him again. In the exact same place.

Nnoitra looked up at her from the floor. This chick was fucking sexy. Except she needed to stop kicking him.

"Maybe if we just pull apart, they'll break," Tatsuki suggested. Nnoitra thought about this.

"I'll only help you if I get at the very least a kiss when this is all over," he said, crossing his arms. She kicked him again. "Kick me all you want."

_Two hours later…_

"Okay, okay, stop kicking me!" Nnoitra gasped. Tatsuki smirked.

With one hard tug, they were apart. And then Nnoitra attacked her, trying to feel any and every part of her before she kicked him again. He lasted about seven seconds.

"Hm, that's the longest any guy's lasted," Tatsuki muttered under her breath.

NNOITRA JIRUGA AND TATSUKI ARISAWA – VIOLENCE. HANDCUFFS BROKEN.

* * *

><p>"Um, sorry about, you know, holding you hostage while Master Nnoitra killed your friend…" Tesla said, rubbing the back of his head with his free hand.<p>

"And trying to kill Ichigo."

"Yeah. And that."

"What are we going to do about these handcuffs?"

"Um. Sit here?"

"Sounds good! Let me tell you about the weird dream I had last night…"

TESLA LINDOCRUZ AND ORIHIME INOUE – RECONCILIATION. HANDCUFFS INTACT.

* * *

><p>Mizuiro took in the woman before him. Mature, long hair, blue eyes, good breasts… yeah, he liked her. He'd have to capture this one through manners, though. "Hello," he said. "Do you know how we got here?"<p>

"Not entirely, though I do have my suspicions," she replied. He blinked up at her, looking as innocent as he possibly could. With his large, dark gray eyes and childish looks, he succeeded. She softened and rubbed the top of his head. "It'll be okay."

"Do you really think so?" Mizuiro said, bringing out more of the innocence than he had in a long time. She nodded. He glanced down at the handcuff, a million dirty thoughts racing through his mind. He dismissed them. "Why are we handcuffed together?"

"Let me fix that," the woman said. She smiled at the handcuff. The handcuff broke in half. "There. Problem solved."

Mizuiro hugged the woman, resting his head on her breasts.

Retsu Unohana wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she thought this little boy was kind of cute.

RETSU UNOHANA AND MIZUIRO KOJIMA – NEAR-SEDUCTION. HANDCUFFS BROKEN.

* * *

><p>Apacci woke to some weird brown-haired kid ogling her. "Not bad," he muttered under his breath. "They're not as big as Orihime's, but good enough…"<p>

"_What _aren't as big as Orihime's?" Apacci said. He jumped, looking extremely guilty.

"Your boobs," he said. Apacci narrowed her eyes.

"So they're just _good enough?_" she said, her voice dangerously low. Keigo gulped. He didn't know what was going to happen next, but he had an idea it was going to be slightly violent. "Well, you know what?"

With the hand that wasn't handcuffed to Keigo, she shoved his head into her boobs, laughing manically. "TELL ME IF THEY'RE JUST GOOD ENOUGH NOW, PERVERT!"

EMILOU APACCI AND KEIGO ASANO – KEIGO GETS HIS WISH AND NEARLY SUFFOCATED. HANDCUFFS INTACT FOR NOW.

* * *

><p>"You're beautiful…" Chizuru whispered, staring at the goddess in front of her. This woman was <em>even better than Orihime. <em>And that was saying something.

Rangiku shifted. She was used to this sort of attention – from men. But maybe she could try out a girl – who knew, it could be fun! "You're not so bad either," she replied, winking. A small string of drool escaped Chizuru's mouth. She wiped it away quickly.

What proceeded was a make-out scene that gave Kisuke Urahara a nosebleed. He quickly switched to the next two.

RANGIKU MATSUMOTO AND CHIZURU HONSHO – TURNED RANGIKU LESBIAN. HANDCUFFS BROKEN DURING MAKE-OUT SESSION.

* * *

><p>"I'm Ichigo Kurosaki," Ichigo said, jerking up his hand to point at himself. Unfortunately, it was the handcuffed hand, and Isane's hand was jerked up as well.<p>

"I know," Isane said, then immediately reddened. "Um, I mean, I'm Isane Kotetsu, lieutenant of Division Four. Do you think you could break the handcuffs?"

"Sure, I'm so obviously the protagonist, I'll be able to do it with my protagonist-ism," Ichigo said, using his extreme powers of protagonist-ism to break the handcuffs.

"So. Um. Thanks."

ISANE KOTETSU AND ICHIGO KUROSAKI – NOTHING EXCITING HAPPENED. HANDCUFFS BROKEN.

* * *

><p>"Where did you get your shihakusho?" Uryu asked. Yumichika smirked. This boy knew good fashion when he saw it.<p>

"I had it custom-made," he replied. Uryu nodded, studying the beautiful man.

"Do you want to sew something together sometime?" he offered. "You could design, I could sew."

"You can sew?"

"Obviously, do you think someone else would be able to do this?" Uryu said, gesturing toward his Quincy outfit.

"I'm designing, right?"

YUMICHIKA AYASEGAWA AND URYU ISHIDA – MISTAKE PUTTING THOSE TWO TOGETHER. HANDCUFFS INTACT

* * *

><p>"…"<p>

"…"

TIA HALIBEL AND YASUTORA SADO – ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. HANDCUFFS INTACT

* * *

><p>"Really? But you're so pretty! How could he not like you?" Rukia asked, leaning forward. Luppi sighed, looking at the ground.<p>

"I don't know! But what about you? You're absolutely gorgeous, who's the guy in your life?" he asked. Rukia bit her lip.

"Well… I don't know if he likes me," she admitted. "I mean, he's kind of a player."

"What's his name?"Luppi asked. He wanted to see if their names would make a cute couple name, like Grimmluppi. Grimmluppi was a very cute couple name.

"Mizuiro Kojima," he admitted. Hmm… Mizuruki was kind of cute…

LUPPI ANTENOR AND RUKIA KUCHIKI – GIRL TALK. HANDCUFFS INTACT

* * *

><p>This guy was so hot. Like, the hottest man Kiyone had ever seen. She was probably drooling, but she didn't know because he was so hot. Like, he was totally the cause of global warming.<p>

Grimmjow looked at the blonde chick he was handcuffed to. Something was wrong with her.

GRIMMJOW JAEGERJAQUEZ AND KIYONE KOTETSU – FANGIRLING. HANDCUFFS INTACT.

* * *

><p>"Damn him," Yoruichi muttered. "I help him and this is what I get for a thanks? A part in his stupid little experiment?"<p>

"Um-"

"And I don't even know this person, he could have at least put me with, I dunno, Shinji or something, or Ichigo, he's always fun to tease."

"Miss-"

"He is _so _not-"

"Excuse me!"

Yoruichi looked at the bespectacled woman she'd been dragging back and forth. "Yeah?"

"Could you please stop pacing?" the woman adjusted her eyeglasses.

"Sorry. Let's just get rid of the handcuffs," Yoruichi decided, taking a key out of her pocket and unlocking them. "There."

YORUICHI SHIHOIN AND NANAO ISE – ANNOYED YORUICHI. BAD IDEA. HANDCUFFS INTACT, BUT OFF OF SUBJECTS

* * *

><p>Kisuke sighed, leaning back in his chair. That had been fun, though the last one probably hadn't been a good idea.<p>

Yoruichi barged into the room, grabbed his wrist, and flashstepped him to one of his own little rooms that wouldn't open from the inside unless he wanted them to.

Inside was Soi Fon.

Damn it.

* * *

><p><strong>This will be updated every Monday! Yay! :D This is happy! School is over! Fanfictioning his happening! <strong>


	31. This Usually Doesn't Happen

**Title: For the Record, this Didn't Usually Happen**

**Word Count: 581**

**Summary: "We're not getting back until it's fixed. Oh, and it's never getting fixed." Time travel really isn't all it's made out to be.**

**Requested by: Hotaruhara: "Ooh, I know! Throw the 12th division back to the ice age and let's see how they cope without any technology XD"**

* * *

><p>Akon sat up, rubbing his head and glancing around. Oh, great. Yet another morning waking up somewhere he didn't know – not like this happened often or anything…<p>

"Figure out what's going on, you useless girl!"

It couldn't be that bad, Captain Kurotsuchi was here. He must not have done anything too bad… or maybe this was someone else's fault. Maybe someone like Rin had messed up, he probably hadn't just gone drinking or something and showed up somewhere random.

He should probably get up then and find some clothes. He was suddenly aware of the chill, and he really didn't have any clothes on except his underwear. He must not have gone drinking last night – not that he went drinking often, just every once in a while… but that didn't matter, he was _cold._

After a few feet of walking – he couldn't see his Captain or the Lieutenant anywhere, and he could've sworn he heard Captain yelling at her just a few moments – he stumbled over Rin. Rin was wearing clothes.

"Hey, lend me your lab coat, would you?" Akon asked. Rin, who was wearing a regular shihakusho under his lab coat, peeled the coat off and handed it to the taller man. It barely made it to his knees, but it was better than nothing. "You seen Captain Kurotsuchi?"

Rin shook his head. Akon sighed.

"Great."

"I heard them a little bit ago, though," the boy said meekly. Akon rolled his eyes.

"I did, too."

They walked in silence, Rin occasionally pulling snacks out of his shihakusho and, after half-heartedly offering Akon some, devouring them. After a while, they stumbled on Lieutenant Kurotsuchi standing in front of a cave.

"Hello," she said. "Master Mayuri is in there."

Akon nodded, walking into the cave. It was dark, with only a small fire that Lieutenant Kurotsuchi had probably made giving light. The Captain was hunched over a small machine, muttering to himself. More members of the Twelfth Division were slumped against the wall, _probably _sleeping.

"Excuse me?" Akon said, biting his lip and hoping that Captain Kurotsuchi wasn't doing anything too important. The Captain jerked, hissing out a curse.

"Oh. Akon. Hold this."

Akon crouched down and held the wire, while his Captain fiddled with something else, hoping he wouldn't get electrocuted or anything. He bit back questions, knowing that Captain Kurotsuchi would start talking about it sooner or later.

"That idiotic daughter of mine messed it up. First of all, it was only supposed to take _one _person back, and it wasn't supposed to break as soon as it landed," the Captain muttered, pushing a button and sending a light shock through Akon.

Akon had been through worse, so he just shrugged it off and looked closer at the machine. He couldn't see very well with the light, but from what he could see, it was some sort of time machine.

They'd been building a time machine and he hadn't been told?

"Watcha doing?"

Both Akon and Captain Kurotsuchi jumped, Akon dropping the wire and the Captain losing his place. Rin stood behind them, licking a lollipop larger than his head.

"You-"

"Calm-"

Both Akon and Captain Kurotsuchi stared at each other, both surprised that Akon would dare to tell the Captain to 'calm down', or at least start to. Captain Kurotsuchi settled with a growl.

"Well, we're not getting back until this thing is fixed. You might as well go savage now."

"What?"

"This thing is never getting fixed."

"Fuck."

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry, I don't think it's really what the person who requested this expected. X3 But Akon's awesome anyway.<strong>


	32. The Adventures of Isane Kotetsu

**Title: The Adventures of Isane Kotetsu**

**Word Count: 1051**

**Summary: Let the battle against the fish sticks begin! **

**Requested by: The Layman: "Why not do a chapter about one of Isane's dreams?"**

* * *

><p>When Isane Kotetsu went to sleep that night, she'd hoped for nothing, expected one of her more common nightmares. But <em>this<em>, this was just too much. It was like all of her nightmares squished into one. It was horrifying.

Before her was a group of giant fish sticks. They weren't attacking her yet, just standing before her and looking menacing.

"Don't worry Lieutenant! I'll save you!"

Before Isane could even blink, that one kid… um… what was his name again? Whatever, the seventh seat ran at the fish sticks and attacked them with his zanpakuto. For a second, Isane thought that she'd be saved.

But then the fish sticks sucked him in and he was gone. Isane held back a horrified scream and took a step back.

And then the fish sticks started to come at her. She turned and ran, briefly wondering why it looked like she was in Hueco Mundo. There! A door! She wrenched it open, only to see two Arrancars… doing things. She slammed it and kept going.

Eventually, she lost them – or so she thought. She leaned against a pillar, breathing hard. A giant spoon walked toward her.

Oh, that wasn't a giant spoon, that was just a spoon-like Arrancar. Oops. "What're you doing here?" he snarled.

"Fish sticks!" she gasped.

The spoon-Arrancar paled. "Those fucking fish sticks," he muttered. "Come with me. My Fraccion, Tesla the Oatmeal Warrior, is the only one who knows how to beat them. Fucking Tesla."

Isane blinked at the foul language spewing from the spoon's mouth, but followed him anyway. They walked for a while until finally coming upon a lake of oatmeal. Spoony conjured up a boat and the two slowly conquered the lake.

In the middle of the lake was an island. Spoony stepped out of the boat and offered his hand to Isane. Surprised by his gentlemanly gesture, she took it. He yanked her roughly onto land, and they landed in a heap at the feet of who could only be Tesla the Oatmeal Warrior. His hair was the color of oatmeal and milk, and his eyes were the color of oatmeal and a lot of brown sugar.

"What is the problem?" he asked.

"Fish sticks," Spoony said, maybe touching Isane a little more than he had to get up. Isane got to her feet as well.

Tesla the Oatmeal Warrior nodded and the three got back into the boat. It was much faster going across this time. "Before we can defeat the evil fish sticks, we must collect Grimmjow the Blueberry Warrior and his faithful sidekick, Luppi the Licorice Lady."

"Luppi's a Licorice Lady even though he's a guy," Spoony inserted.

"What's your name?" Isane asked.

"I am the strongest there is! Nnoitra the Majestic Spoon Warrior of Awesomeness!" he said, grinning a more than slightly creepy grin. Isane blinked.

"Um. Okay."

Grimmjow the Blueberry Warrior and Luppi the Licorice Lady were the two that Isane had accidentally walked in on. The Licorice Lady glared at her. Isane felt quite uncomfortable, especially after remembering that The Licorice Lady was actually a man.

"Bad news, Spoony-"

"Majestic Spoon Warrior of Awesomeness!"

"Whatever. Problem is, they've got Ulquiorra the Mint Chocolate-Chip Ice Cream God on their side, along with Orihime the Orange Sherbet Goddess and Zommari the Pumpkin King," The Blueberry Warrior announced. Tesla the Oatmeal Warrior narrowed his brown sugar eyes.

"We'll be fine. What about Starrk the Milk Chocolate Lion? Has he been drafted yet? And what about Tia Halibel the Lemon Sprite and her three fairies? Apacci the Raspberry, Sung-Sun the Kiwi, and Mila-Rose the Old Banana?"

"They've decided to be neutral in this war. Who's your friend?"

Isane knew that she had to speak up, make up a name for herself. "I am Isane Kotetsu the… the…"

"Isane Kotetsu the Fork Lady?" Luppi suggested.

"Works for me."

After a few more arguments about names and sides, they set off to the battlefield. Coincidentally, the opposing side was already there. Tesla the Oatmeal Warrior stood at the head of their group, Nnoitra the Majestic Spoon Warrior of Awesomeness at his side. Isane Kotetsu the Fork Lady stood between Spoony and Luppi the Licorice Lady.

Who Isane suspected was Ulquiorra the Mint Chocolate-Chip Ice Cream God stepped forward. He had large, black wings and paper-white skin. "Why are you here."

No, that is not a typo. Ulquiorra doesn't speak in anything but sentences. No questions.

"To defeat you fuckers!" Spoony crowed. "But Orange Sherbet bitch can come over here if she wants, she's hot."

Isane decided to ignore that comment, because it was just weird.

A full-scale battle ensued. Spoony wielded a giant spoon. The Oatmeal Warrior could conjure up large amounts of oatmeal to drown opponents in. The Licorice Lady had two licorice whips that tied up the fish sticks. The Blueberry Warrior… well… he just fought with a sword. Isane had a feeling that he was just The Blueberry Warrior because of his bright blue hair and eyes.

Isane fought with a large fork. She found herself face to face with a fish stick, and after standing still and quivering for a little bit, she stabbed it. That one kid from her squad tumbled out.

"Hanataro the Hidden Badass is free!" The Licorice Lady cheered. Ah. Hanataro. That was his name.

And then Captain Unohana appeared. "Do you really think a fight is necessary?" she asked, smiling at the fish sticks. They all dissolved. Orihime the Orange Sherbet Goddess, Ulquiorra the Mint Chocolate-Chip Ice Cream God, and Zommari the Pumpkin King apologized, and then Isane woke up.

"That was weird," she said. It wasn't that bad of a dream, either.

* * *

><p>Grimmjow woke up, screaming. "I was doing inappropriate things with him! Oh god, why?"<p>

Let's just say that Kisuke Urahara's therapy business got a new client.

* * *

><p>"Spoony?" Nnoitra growled.<p>

Tesla didn't say anything, a little happy at the fact that he'd been in command.

* * *

><p>"Hanataro the Hidden Badass… I like that…" Hanataro mumbled into his pillow, not fully awake.<p>

* * *

><p>"Mint Chocolate-Chip Ice Cream." Ulquiorra stated. "Woman, what is that."<p>

Orihime beamed and pulled some out of her shirt, because she's like Ukitake and can do that.

Ulquiorra refused to eat anything but mint chocolate chip ice cream after this.

* * *

><p><strong>:D I hope you enjoyed this!<strong>


	33. Mission WhichBleachGirlisHottest

**Title: Mission Which-Bleach-Girl-is-Hottest**

**Word Count: 866**

**Summary: Let the Council of Perverts meet! This meetings discussion – which Bleach girl is the most attractive?**

**Requested by: TheCatWithTheHat: You could get a bunch of perv manly characters - Kon, Keigo, Ikkaku, maybe a couple others - and have them try to find the sexiest girl in the series. And probably end up failing miserably. XD**

* * *

><p>Keigo Asano glanced around to make sure nobody was watching, then ducked into the shop. He was met by a mysterious man in a straw hat and a pink kimono. "Follow me," the man said, leading him down a ladder into the rocky, desert-like basement.<p>

In the center of the basement a long table had been set up. A projector sat on one end, next to an ominous spinny chair – which, of course, was facing away from everyone.

Sitting at the table were a large variety of men – and stuffed animal. Kon sat near the end, and across from him was the bald Shinigami – Ikkaku Madarame. Also there were Kisuke Urahara and a tall, skinny man with an eyepatch. He looked like a spoon.

More guys were sitting at the table, but they weren't important, and if they became important, they would be introduced later. Keigo sat beside Urahara.

The chair began to slowly spin around, revealing none other than Mizuiro Kojima. Keigo gasped. Everyone looked at him. "What? He's not a traditional pervert," he said, shrugging. "He's too subtle."

A short, white-haired Arrancar ran up with a laptop, placing it in front of Mizuiro. "Our mission today is to find out who, exactly, is the most attractive female in this anime – uh, I mean, in this… that we know?"

The spoon-guy grinned. "Sounds fun," he said, leaning back in his chair. Mizuiro clicked on something, and a picture of a dark-skinned, purple-haired woman appeared behind him. "First up – Yoruichi Shihoin. Five foot two, ninety-three pounds, over a hundred years old. Former Captain of the Second Division. Thoughts?"

Kisuke Urahara grinned, pulling his hat further over his face. "I like her. And anyone who's seen her transform will know, she's got a _very _nice body under her clothes."

"What clothes?" Nnoitra snickered.

The second picture of Yoruichi was her attacking Aizen. She wasn't wearing very many clothes.

The one of the two females in the room, a dark-haired girl in a sailor suit, pushed up her glasses. "Shall I rank her high on the scale?"

Mizuiro nodded to her, and she marked something down on her clipboard, then went back to her magazines.

"Next is Orihime Inoue. Five foot two, one hundred and eight pounds. Student at Karakura High," Mizuiro said. The other female in the room, Chizuru Honsho, nodded and tried to hide her nosebleed that came with Orihime's bikini picture.

"We better rank her pretty high, too," Shunsui Kyoraku said. Lisa hit him with her clipboard. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Pervert."

"We're all perverts here! That's why we're here!"

Everyone ignored their arguing and went on to the next girl. "All right… Tatsuki Arisawa…"

"Is she a girl?"

"She is," Mizuiro said. A few more contestants for the 'most attractive female' contest – or, as Nnoitra, Grimmjow, and half of the guys there put it, 'sexiest chick' contest – later, they got to Rangiku Matsumoto. "Rangiku Matsumoto, five foot eight, one hundred twenty-six pounds."

Half of their numbers fainted at the bikini shot. "You better rank her first at the moment- damn it, she's down, too."

Mizuiro picked his way over the unconscious perverts to get to Lisa. He made a few adjustments on her chart and went back to his seat. "Okay… Yumichika Ayasegawa – hold on, isn't this one a man? Who put him in here?"

Ikkaku tried his best not to look suspicious.

"Nice legs," Nnoitra said, shrugging. Mizuiro face-palmed.

"On to the next one-"

"Where should he go on the list?"

"Oh, you're up- he's not going on the list!"

"Put him second or third," Ikkaku hissed. Lisa nodded and penciled him in. Mizuiro face-palmed again.

"Okay, next… Rukia Kuchiki?"

"Too flat-chested."

"Cute in a boyish way!"

"We're not looking for cute in a boyish way!"

"But we put Ayasegawa on there!"

"But he's pretty in a feminine way!"

"Okay! Okay!" Mizuiro said, standing up. "Just leave her off and stop talking about Ayasegawa. And take him off the list!"

Lisa didn't take him off the last.

"Kukaku Shiba… Five foot six… one hundred and twenty-six pounds…" Mizuiro trailed off, liking what this picture. She looked like Tatsuki, only hotter. "Put her first. Yes, Hisagi, above Rangiku."

Shuhei Hisagi sighed and gave the clipboard back to Lisa, who adjusted her list to Mizuiro's specifications. Kensei patted Shuhei on the head to comfort him.

"Neliel tu O-"

"NO," Nnoitra said.

"Come on, she's hot," Grimmjow said, shrugging. "I say put her on the list!"

"NO."

"Put her on the list," Mizuiro said, ignoring more NO's from Nnoitra. "Next is Luppi Antenor… who I'm also quite sure is male…"

Grimmjow tried to not look suspicious. Nnoitra looked confused. "But didn't you hate Luppi-"

"Yes. But he was attractive. Especially when I thought he was a girl," Grimmjow muttered, glaring at the floor. Mizuiro sighed and moved on.

Eventually, they reached the end. "Okay. The list will be published later-"

"Orihime should be first!" Chizuru complained, grabbing the list from Lisa. Ikkaku wrenched it out of her hands and frowned.

"Seriously, Yumichika's fifth? He should be higher!"

"Rangiku should be first!"

"Why is Nel on here?"

"Hey! You never put Luppi on here?"

"Yoruichi should be higher than three…"

"Why is Tatsuki on here? She's too boyish!"

Mizuiro sighed and left them to their arguments.

* * *

><p><strong>Aand here we go. :D I loved writing this one. Cx Oh, and the people there were...<br>**

**Mizuiro Kojima, Keigo Asano, Shunsui Kyoraku, Di Roy Rinker, Nnoitra Jiruga, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Lisa Yadomaru, Chizuru Honsho, Ikkaku Madarame, Kensei Muguruma, and Shuhei Hisagi.  
><strong>


	34. Fate Isn't Nice

**Title: Fate Isn't Nice**

**Word Count: 564**

**Summary: Sometimes, going for a walk is just going for a walk. And sometimes it introduces you to the most important person you will ever meet.**

**Requested by: scarlett scribe: 'Um..I have a request could u pls pls pls do a Byakuya/Hisana one..with lots of fluff bcuz I am a sucker for their romance XD'**

* * *

><p>The first time Byakuya Kuchiki saw the love of his life was a Sunday evening. He had, against his better judgment, decided to go for a walk. Around Rukongai, instead of just pacing Kuchiki Manor. At that moment, he told himself he needed a change of scenery. Later, he would say it was just a coincidence. But deep inside – very, very, <em>very<em> deep inside – he believed it to be fate that the one day he decided to wander Rukongai he met Hisana Kuchiki.

At first glance, she didn't look like much. Small, dark-haired, dirty – the typical Rukongai fare. She looked slightly hungry, however, which wasn't normal. He sensed a bit of spiritual energy; not enough to be obvious, but still – a bit.

Normally, a man like Byakuya Kuchiki would have just passed this girl by without a second glance. But then she looked at him, and it was like he was pulled into the dark, gray depths of her soul. He shivered and checked his pockets. He had money, of course, but nobody should have to eat things that were sold around here. Normally he'd have some sort of snack on him, just in case he was suddenly struck with hunger on a mission, but he'd forgotten to grab something.

Well, then. He'd just have to sneak her back into Kuchiki Manor to get her some food. And then she'd leave, and he'd never see the girl again. Yes. That would work. He would never see the girl again, he'd feed her and forget her.

He strode toward her. "Are you hungry?" he asked. She looked at him again, startled.

"I'm fine," she said in a voice like honey. Byakuya refrained from rolling his eyes.

"I insist on getting you something," he said. "You have low spiritual pressure, but it is still there. And you look hungry. Come back with me to my home; the food here can barely be called food."

The girl must have known it would have been fruitless to argue with him, so she simply nodded and stood up. She was short; about a foot or so shorter than him. He began to walk away.

She was slow. It was either the hunger or hope that she would be able to slip away unnoticed, so Byakuya took her hand and pulled her along. He dimly registered the fact that [a] her hand was very dirty and [b] if anyone saw him with this girl, he would most definitely be in trouble.

* * *

><p>When she entered the room, he was barely able to breath. She'd taken a bath, and he'd given her new clothes – and now she was beautiful. Their meal went well; the girl was bright and funny as well as beautiful. Slowly but surely, Byakuya Kuchiki felt himself falling in love.<p>

It was a good thing he would never see her again, right?

* * *

><p>Of course, the next time he went for a walk outside of Kuchiki Manor, she was there. And for some reason, he couldn't help but go speak to her. She looked surprised to see him, asking what he was doing there, and he was just as surprised to see her.<p>

(This also gave more evidence to the 'fate' idea.)

They met many more times, and by the fourth meeting, Byakuya was almost positive that he was in love with the girl. Fate wasn't nice sometimes.

* * *

><p><strong>cannot write romance**

**/at all**

**/I'm sorry**

** says this is like William Shakespeare. Which is better than I was thinking. I was honestly thinking this was going to say Stephenie Meyers or something of the sort.  
><strong>


	35. The Average Life of Akon

**Title: The Average Day of Akon**

**Words: 624**

**Summary: Some Soul Reapers have weirder lives than you thought – or, normal lives, but just weird minds.**

**Requested by: midiansade: If you are taking requests, could you make one Akon centric. Something to show his quirky side you seen in the omakes, like him being creepy while making a girl gigai, or just his every day stange life. (There was actually another idea in this request, but I'm saving that for another oneshot. Cx)**

* * *

><p>An average day for Akon usually started around four in the morning. Unless he hadn't gone to sleep the night before. Then his former day just kind of crashed into the next day.<p>

But, let's assume that this is an average day where he got a bit of sleep. We'll skip the boring stuff, like showering and eating breakfast. Showering wasn't interesting unless one of the new female recruits got mixed up and accidentally went into the wrong shower area. Or the other way around, but Akon never got to witness that hilarity.

Being third seat, Akon had responsibilities other than experimenting on stuff. Though he always had, he felt like he seriously had to keep an eye on what Captain Kurotsuchi did. Sometimes things got out of hand, and while the Twelfth really didn't know the meaning of 'too far', sometimes things did go too far. Like when Captain Kurotsuchi had tried to feed people poison apple-flavored candy. Yeah. That may have been 'too far.'

He also had to make sure that Rin actually did something once in a while, which was harder than it looked. Rin Tsubokura was very good at one thing, and that one thing was making it looking like he was working while he was really eating. Rin ate a lot. Okay – he was good at two things. Eating and making it look like he was working while he was really eating.

And then he needed to doublecheck – sometimes triplecheck – to see if Lieutenant Kusajishi had trespassed again. If Captain Kurotsuchi ever caught her in there… well, let's just say that it wouldn't be pretty. It had happened before, and it had ended up with the Captain in the Fourth because he hadn't seen Zaraki a few feet away and had thought it fit to threaten the pink-haired menace.

Actually, a lot of people had ended up in the Fourth that day. Lieutenant Kusajishi had knocked over a _lot _of chemicals. A lot of chemicals. A lot of very dangerous chemicals. It seemed like it had just been him and Lieutenant Kurotsuchi for almost a week.

Akon remembered when he'd helped Captain Kurotsuchi create the Lieutenant. He'd helped out with most of the physical aspects, because 'you stare at girls enough, you should be able to know how they're supposed to look.' Akon thought he'd done a pretty good job. Nemu Kurotsuchi was pretty hot, considering what her father (mother? Or was Akon the mother? What? He didn't know) looked like. Akon was pretty glad that they'd skipped the growing up stage, then it would've been weird.

Every once in a while, he wandered down to the World of the Living. For research, of course. Captain Kurotsuchi didn't exactly fit in… of course, neither did he, with those horns, but the gigai he'd made didn't have those, and he knew how most people acted, at least. Once he swore he'd seen _that bitch from hell – _uh, former Lieutenant Hiyori Sarugaki and former Captain Shinji Hirako fighting, but he figured that he must have been imagining things.

Also, every once in a while he had flashbacks about when Hiyori Sarugaki was lieutenant. After those flashbacks, he usually had to go to a therapist. He wondered why he got those sometimes, but he figured it was a side effect of being an anime character – uh, Soul Reaper. Yeah. Soul Reaper.

And that didn't even _cover _the experimenting. And making gigais. Making gigais was fun – he knew how to do it, and it was fun to make people. Especially the girls, because usually people liked to have gigais that looked like them, and he'd have to… 'inspect' them. Yeah. He may have been a scientist, but he was still human.

Sort of.

* * *

><p>…<strong>Yeah, this is kind of rambly. <strong>


	36. Lame Clothes and Therapists and Stuff

**Title: Lame Clothes and Therapists and Stuff Like That**

**Word Count: 613**

**Summary: Uryu thought it would be fun to surprise Kon with an entire wardrobe. Which he'd worked very hard on. And which **_**certainly wasn't lame.**_

**Requested by: The Layman: Uryu suddenly surprising Kon with an entire wardrobe sounds like it has potential...**

* * *

><p>The lights dimmed. Kon stood in front of a makeshift runway, a skeptical look on his face. Well, as skeptical of a look as a stuffed lion could have. Uryu stood behind the curtain that there was somehow enough room for – seriously, when had Ichigo's room grown this much? And where had the bed gone to?<p>

Orihime poked her head out of the closet – wait a minute, wasn't Rukia in the closet? Heh, Rukia was in the closet. Well, not right now, Orihime was.

Kon, momentarily distracted by his immaturity, didn't hear what Orihime had said. But she looked worried. Kon wondered what was going on. Why was he here? Besides the fact that he lived here. Why was Uryu here? He didn't mind Orihime here, she could stay over anytime she wanted. Wink wink. Yeah. That was meant to be _more _inappropriate than it sounded.

Uryu rushed to the closet and looked head inside. Kon, curious by nature, decided to go check it out, too. Especially since a little gold paper star that said 'Dressing Room' was taped to the door.

A million dirty thoughts raced through his head, and he ran for the closet. Right before he got there, however, Uryu slammed the door shut. "Crises averted," he muttered, looking rather pleased with himself. Kon flopped down on the floor, sighing. He never got to do anything.

After a few more 'crises averted' moments – which always happened right before he got to see what the crises was in the first place – the lights completely turned off. Kon sat up, eyes wide. What was happening? Why couldn't he see?

And then a random spotlight turned on. Kon jumped, shielding his eyes. Uryu's voice, obviously trying to sound deep, seemed to be heard from a set of nonexistent speakers. "And now, the new fashion line for the typical Mod Soul lion."

"That's oddly specific," Kon muttered.

"First we have our Shinigami uniform replica. With a few alterations."

A random lion plushie walked down the runway, wearing what looked to be a Shinigami uniform. Except obviously made for a girl. It was cinched at the waist, kind of princess-y, and, when she turned around, he saw that stupid cross on the back.

For some reason, his paw went to the back of his head.

Uryu was blabbering on about the fabrics and whatever he'd done to them and et cetera. Kon basically ignored him.

The next outfit was at least a little cool. It was all… pirate-y. Except the skirt. Yeah, Kon would trade those in for some pants.

He was basically blocking out what Uryu said now, but the next outfit made him burst out laughing. It was a copy of what Uryu wore when he was slaying hollows. Cape, glasses, and all. The lights turned back on. "What is so funny?" Uryu snapped.

"Dude, these are all lame," Kon said, grinning.

* * *

><p>"Now, tell me where you think you got your low self-confidence from?" the weirdly-familiar-sounding therapist asked, hiding his face behind a purple-and-black fan. His hair was covered with a purple-and-black striped bucket hat, and he was wearing what looked like Kisuke Urahara's clothing, only in tones of purple.<p>

"Well…" Uryu sniffled. He'd obviously been crying. Kisuke Urahara – uh, weirdly-familiar-sounding therapist – rolled his eyes. "I… I always prided myself on my sewing abilities… b-but yesterday _someone called them lame!"_

"I swear, if I didn't need the money, I would be way more selective about who I… therapied? No, helped would be better," weirdly-familiar-sounding therapist muttered under his breath. Uryu, who had burst into tears again, didn't notice.

It really was sad that Uryu Ishida was the most intelligent child in his grade.

* * *

><p><strong>The thought of Urahara as a therapist never gets old to me… Expect more therapist!Urahara, because I'm almost in love with that idea as I am with Akon or Mizuiro x Tatsuki. <strong>


	37. Life Really Sucked

**Title: Life Really Sucked**

**Word Count: 546**

**Summary: For the last time, **_**Shuhei was not gay. **_**(Actually, probably not the last time. But don't tell him that.)**

**Requested by: TheCatWithTheHat: "I don't know if you watched the Zanpakuto Rebellion filler arc in the anime, but it was pretty dang awesome. It would be cool if you did one either about Shûhei and Kazeshini, or Yumichika and Ruri-Iro Kujaku...or both :) or a different one :)" (I'm actually not that far into the rebellion arc, but far enough to get a gist of Kazeshini and Rurio Kujaku. Cx)**

* * *

><p>"I still want to give you a makeover."<p>

"No! Then I'll look ugly like you!"

"You'll look fabulous by the time I'm done with you-" The second voice lowered into a whisper, and Shuhei would have had to strain his ears to hear it. However, Shuhei wasn't particularly interested in Yumichika and Mystery Person's conversation, and figured it would be best if he just left before they turned the corner.

Of course things can never go Shuhei's way, so they caught him, Yumichika grabbing one of his arms and Mystery Person grabbing the other.

Okay, Mystery Person was most definitely Yumichika's zanpakuto.

Shuhei was used to suckish things happening to him, so he pretty much just let himself be dragged into the nearest deserted building - he did consider trying to escape once or twice, considering anything could happen - and tied to a chair.

"He's not running. That makes this so much easier," Rurio Kujaku said. Yumichika nodded, looking a bit confused.

"I would have thought he'd be running. He-" The rest of Yumichika's sentence was cut off, definitely not because the author had no idea what to make him say, as an unlikely savior fell from the rafters.

"I didn't just fall," Kazeshini said. "I did that on purpose."

"Nobody was suggesting that you fell," Rurio Kujaku pointed out. Kazeshini hit him with the flat edge of his blade and Rurio Kujaku was momentarily distracted by the fact that he'd have to reapply his make-up to cover the quickly-forming bruise.

"Are you... saving me?" Shuhei asked, eyes wide. Kazeshini started to laugh.

"At least you have a sense of humor!" the zanpakuto said. "Nah, I'm going to make sure that Kujaku and Sparkles-"

"I resent that nickname!" Yumichika said. While practicing his bishie sparkle. Yeah...

"Kujaku and Sparkles make it as embarrasingly gay as possible. You're going to look more gay than Sparkles-"

"I resent that nickname!"

"And Kujaku put together by the end."

"But I'm not gay," Shuhei said as patiently as he could manage. The three of them just looked at him and burst out laughing.

"You're right, Kazeshini," Rurio Kujaku said, wiping tears from his eyes in a 'totally non-beautiful way', according to Yumichika. "He is funny."

"Shuhei, there's no point in hiding it," Yumichika said. "We all knew. Everybody knows. Even Ikkaku knows-"

"And he still thinks Yumichika's straight," Rurio Kujaku cut in. "Ikkaku is the most oblivious person in the Soul Society."

"But I'm seriously not-"

His protests fell on deaf ears.

* * *

><p>Days later, Shuhei exited the building, feeling extremely gay. He'd fought it during the first day and a half, but after he'd passed out they'd done too much damage to reverse. He saw stares. A small Soul Reaper that looked like he was in Squad Four got a nosebleed. A blond Arrancar, who was in the Seireitei for no apparant reason, pushed a phone number in his hand.<p>

And, worst of all, Yumichika had charged him for everything.

Or at least he thought that was worst of all. What was really worst of all was when Rangiku popped up, took a picture of him, cried, "I knew you were gay!", and scampered off to make an announcement of 'Shuhei finally embraces his sexuality.'

Life really sucked sometimes.

* * *

><p><strong>Is anyone else really liking this Shuhei mini-series type thing in this oneshot collection? We've got Love Note, Have You Ever Been In Love?, Party of Rejection! (kind of), I'll Give You A Try… Maybe he'll get Rangiku in the end. Cx Or he'll turn gay.<br>**


	38. The Council of Minor Characters

**Title: The Council of Minor Characters**

**Word Count: 782**

**Summary: The minor characters are sick of being ignored. So, they plot revenge. Sounds simple enough.**

**Requested by: xJ11Cx: And as for request. I don't see many chad stories. One (just one) would be nice. And a Senna story wouldn't hurt... Maybe some more tatsuki. Anything that isn't ichigo worshiping or main charecter's would be intresting.**

* * *

><p>"Let the Council of Minor Characters assemble!"<p>

"Hey, you can't be the head of the Council of Minor Characters _and _the Council of Perverts!"

-Cut to commercial break-

"Have you been looking for a place to buy _cheap _merchandise about the Thirteen Court Guard Squads, but don't want to bother with the Shinigami Women's Association? Then stop by the Twelfth Division! Don't have any money? Then you can pay by being a test subject!"

"Being a test subject includes but is not limited to – strange and unusual experiments, little to no food, water, or shelter, and surrendering your body to Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi for whatever purpose, any day of the week. Waver will be signed at entrance."

-Commercial over-

A new, extremely unfamiliar person sat at the head of the table of the Council of Minor Characters. Everyone looked at each other, unsure of who this person was, or if he was even _from _Bleach. Even Chad, who wasn't really as minor of a character as most in this Council but was treated like one by everyone in the history of forever, had no idea who this mysterious person was.

Mysterious Person noticed all of their stares and sighed. "I'm Chojiro Sasakibe."

"…Who?"

"Lieutenant of the First Division."

Everyone suddenly understood. Except the Arrancar and Humans, but they pretended to understand so they wouldn't feel left out.

"Now the main purpose of the Council of Minor Characters is to show the fans that minor characters can be _just _as badass as the main characters. We need to show that Tesla Lindocruz can be as cool as Ichigo Kurosaki. Chad can be just as epic as Toshiro Histusaya. Tatsuki can be just as well-known as Rukia. Senna can… uh… exist?"

Senna gave him a thumbs-up.

"Yeah, exist works. Senna can exist as much as Orihime!"

Everyone in the room cheered. Mysterious Person – everyone had forgotten his name – handed out assignments, and the group headed off. Mysterious Person turned to the real head of the Council of Minor Characters.

"Are you going to take Aizen?"

"Yep. The part of the fandom that acknowledges my existence is convinced I'm the Soul King or something, so I can handle it," the true leader said, waving and heading off. Mysterious Person decided to stay at headquarters.

* * *

><p>Senna's mission was simple – capture Orihime Inoue and take her place. Capturing Orihime Inoue didn't seem like it would be very difficult.<p>

So, Senna knocked on Orihime's door, wearing a school uniform. Orihime opened the door. "Hi! Do I know you?" Orihime asked. Senna beamed and nodded, then shook her head, then nodded again.

Orihime was very confused.

"I'm a Soul Reaper!"

"Oh, okay! Do you need a place to stay?" Orihime asked, questioning nothing. Senna nodded, and the next morning, Orihime woke up in a cage. "Hey!"

"It's to protect your friends," Mysterious Person said. "It's so we won't kill them."

"Oh, that's fine then. Do you think we could play a board game or something?"

* * *

><p>Next up was Chad, who was getting ready to switch out with Toshiro Hitsugaya. He got to the Soul Society through the powers of if-we-don't-mention-how-it-happened-nobody-will-question-it, and eventually ended up at the Tenth Division.<p>

Toshiro Hitsugaya was doing paperwork while Rangiku slept on the couch.

Chad picked up a stack of paperwork and began to make a trail back to the Council's headquarters. It ended in a cage beside Orihime, who was playing checkers with Mysterious Person. As soon as Toshiro – uh, Captain Hitsugaya – noticed the trail of paperwork, he couldn't help but follow it.

When Rangiku woke up and saw Chad in Captain Hitsugaya's uniform, sitting at his desk, and doing his paperwork, she blinked, took another drink, and went back to sleep.

Chizuru Honsho dragged her away.

* * *

><p>Tesla and Tatsuki replaced their respective counterparts as a team – Tatsuki sneaking into Ichigo's closet, tying up Rukia, and stealing her pajamas while Tesla just locked a sleeping Ichigo into a cage. Mysterious Person took the cage with Ichigo and a tied-up Rukia back to headquarters.<p>

* * *

><p>There were pros to being a minor character, Mizuiro realized. Nobody spared him a second glance, and that would make it that much easier to capture Aizen.<p>

Really, the protagonist should secretly hire minor characters to do everything. Minor characters were just so much more useful.

Mizuiro pretty much just walked right into the main room of Las Noches, put a cage around Aizen and sat in his place. The Espada didn't really notice the difference. Mysterious Person carted the cage out of Hueco Mundo and back to headquarters.

And that is how the minor characters took over the Bleach universe. Or something like that.

* * *

><p>…<strong>I don't think this is <strong>_**quite **_**what xJ11Cx meant. **

**But, whatever. Cx**

**Anyway, I meant to do this last chapter, but, thank you to Amateur SoulReaper for the 150****th**** review. :D **


	39. Shuhei's Serenade

**Title: Shuhei's Serenade**

**Word Count: 472**

**Summary: Shuhei Hisagi next attempt to get Rangiku Matsumoto? A serenade. All he needs is a love song…**

**Requested by: TheCatWithTheHat: maybe you could do something about Shûhei and his guitar?**

* * *

><p>Maybe if he wrote her a love song she'd like him.<p>

(Though, knowing his luck, she'd probably squeal, hug him, and ask him who he was going to sing it for.)

Shuhei sighed and grabbed his guitar, flash stepping up to the mountains to practice. Chad wasn't going to be giving him another lesson for a few weeks, but it never hurt to practice, right? Right.

Writing music was harder than it looked.

He ended up just practicing the only song Chad had taught him, which really wasn't romantic at all. He was actually pretty sure the words were in a different language, but the music part of it was easy, so he practiced it to make himself feel better.

Eventually, though, he got to work on his love song for Rangiku.

He ended up having to kidnap Izuru, who he figured would be good at writing lyrics. The lieutenant wasn't really any help, though, seeing as the only lyrics he wrote had something to do with 'silver foxes', and Shuhei was pretty sure Rangiku wouldn't take well to that sort of song.

So he let Izuru go and flash-stepped back down to the Ninth Division barracks.

To his displeasure, Yumichika Ayasegawa showed up. "You're trying to write a love song," he said. Shuhei glanced at him skeptically.

"Yeah…"

"Well, you kidnapped the wrong person," Yumichika said. "You should've kidnapped me – in a beautiful way, of course."

Shuhei wondered how any type of kidnapping could be beautiful, but brushed that thought out of his mind. "What do you have?"

Yumichika pulled a stack of papers out of his shihakusho. "Take your pick. Oh, and these each have a guitar part, a drum part, and a piano part, so if you want it to go really well, get Ikkaku on the piano and me on the drums."

Shuhei blinked. Yumichika… played the drums?

Furthermore, _Ikkaku played piano?_

"Okay…" Shuhei said, digging through the pile. All of the songs looked promising…

* * *

><p>Rangiku was sleeping when her captain stormed in, demanding she make her 'idiot friends on musical instruments go home.'<p>

She got an interesting mental image from that.

Unfortunately, the reality was much less interesting than her mental image. It was Shuhei, Ikkaku, and Yumichika, all ready to begin playing their respective instruments.

Rangiku was momentarily distracted by the fact that Ikkaku was playing the piano.

"Rangiku!" Shuhei yelled. She waved. "I am here to serenade you!"

"Okay!"

* * *

><p>Once the song was over, Shuhei set down the guitar and watched her, breathing hard. She was looking at each of them in turn, from him to Yumichika to Ikkaku to him to Ikkaku to him to Ikkaku-<p>

"I've always loved piano players!" she gushed running toward Ikkaku and kissing him. Shuhei sighed.

"Well, I suppose I couldn't have expected that to work," he muttered.

* * *

><p><strong>And here we are. :)<strong>


	40. SixtyNine

**Title: Sixty-Nine**

**Word Count: 437**

**Summary: Kensei Muguruma has been given back his position as the Ninth Division Captain. Unfortunately, his lieutenant is being painfully shy.**

**Requested by: Guest: reunion between kensei and shuhei? not yaoi..more like acknowledgment and gratitude...along that line..maybe a captain vice captain relationship? since 9th captain is missing :)**

* * *

><p>The first thing Kensei Muguruma noticed about his lieutenant was the sixty-nine tattooed on his face. He blinked, and looked closer. Yeah, that was pretty much an exact copy of his tattoo… different place, a bit smaller, but other than that…<p>

The kid looked familiar, too. "Do I know you?" he asked.

The kid swallowed and opened his mouth, but didn't say anything. Kensei rolled his eyes.

"Seriously, kid, speak up. Do I know you? What's your name?"

"Shuhei Hisagi," the kid said, after a bit more awkward silence. Shuhei Hisagi… that did sound a little familiar, but he couldn't really place where he'd heard that before… sure, he'd seen the guy fighting during the battle against Aizen, but other than that…

"Hm. Well, I'm your new captain. Way better than the one you had before me," Kensei said, grinning. Hisagi still wasn't really talking. "Seriously, kid, the last lieutenant I had wouldn't shut up, and I'm kinda used to that. So say something."

"T-thank you."

"For what?"

"Saving me."

"Saving you _when_?"

"A hundred years ago."

A hundred years ago… when he was captain… saving a kid named Shuhei Hisagi –

Oh, yeah, he'd saved the kid almost right before he'd been hollowfied. The kid that wouldn't stop crying. Kensei grinned. "You're not gonna start bawling, are you? You can handle hollows now?"

"Yeah," Hisagi said, turning red. Kensei rolled his eyes again. Well, this was going to get old fast. He put a hand on Hisagi's shoulder.

"Look, kid, you don't have to be so goddam nervous," he said. "Look at me."

Hisagi looked at him, and Kensei grinned.

"Hell, you're taller than me now! You're not the kid that sat and cried after being attacked by a hollow. You're the kid that managed to claw his way up to lieutenant in the Thirteen Court Guard Squads. I don't really know you personally, but if you managed to take care of this division while Tosen ran off with Aizen, I'm sure you're a damn good lieutenant," Kensei took a breath, grinning again. "So, don't be so damn shy."

Hisagi looked at him. "Thanks."

"Again, thanks for what? Saving you? You already thanked me for that. Being a fantastic role model? I mean, either you're kinda messed up or you got that thing because of me," Kensei said, gesturing toward the tattoo on Hisagi's face. "Not that anything's wrong with being kinda messed up. But if the tattoo's because of that, I'm going to pretend it's because of me anyway."

"No, it's because of you."

"Good. You know, Hisagi, I think we're gonna be pretty good friends."


	41. False Hope

**Title: False Hope**

**Word Count: 341**

**Summary: She finally likes him! Probably!**

**Requested by: The Layman: Shuhei and Rangiku actually have a serious moment where she maybe starts to realize that he might now be as gay as she thought he was...And she should be drunk at the time.**

* * *

><p>Shuhei Hisagi had, more or less, given up on Rangiku. Every time he tried to show his love for her, she either thought it was someone else or thought that he was gay. And Yumichika wasn't helping any, seeing as he always hung around Shuhei and applied makeup to his face when he was asleep. To 'enhance his features.'<p>

Time to drown his sorrows in alcohol, then!

Of course, the first person he saw was Rangiku, who, as usual, was drunk. He debated slipping out and going somewhere else, but then she saw him. "Hey! Shuhei!" she said, waving. Shuhei sighed and made his way over to her.

"Hey, Rangiku," he said, sitting down. Rangiku leaned across the table to look him straight in the eye. "Uh…"

He really tried to keep looking at her face. But he was weak. And also got a nosebleed.

"You're not gay, are you?" Rangiku said, narrowing her eyes. Shuhei swallowed and nodded.

"I mean- I'm not- I'm not gay," he said. Rangiku sat back down and nodded.

"So…. who do you like?"

Shuhei looked around, his gaze eventually landing on Momo Hinamori, who was sobbing something about 'CAPTAIN AIZEN' in the corner. Usually he'd just say 'uh… you', but he was feeling a bit insecure about telling his feelings to Rangiku at the moment, so he just ran over and slung an arm around Momo's shoulders. "Momo!"

"Oh," Rangiku said. It could've been his imagination, but she looked a little crestfallen. "That's too bad. I wouldn't want to come between your love, but… I was really looking for-"

"CAPTAIN AIZEN!"

"On second thought Momo's not really my type," Shuhei said, letting go of the smaller girl and walking back to the table. Rangiku looked a little suspicious, but then shrugged and smiled.

"So, what is your type?" she asked, leaning across the table.

Shuhei's mind went blank.

"Um. You know. Like. Um-"

And then she kissed him.

* * *

><p>Rangiku yawned and sat up. Whoa. She was in bed with Shuhei. "What happened last night? And why did I have sex with a gay guy?"<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Oh wow short. Cx But, um, anyway. I hope you enjoyed it. Review, whatever, have a nice week.<strong>


	42. The Council of Matchmakers

**Title: The Council of Matchmakers**

**Word Count: 721**

**Summary: Rangiku, Yumichika, and Orihime have a plan to bring love to the Soul Society, Hueco Mundo, and the Quincies! Hooray!**

**Requested by: thForeverYoung: Umm, I have an idea: The Soul Society plays a matchmaking game! If you want a prompt: "We are not dating!"**

* * *

><p>"Let the first official meeting of the Council of Matchmakers Begin!" Rangiku Matsumoto said. On her left Yumichika Ayasegawa sat. On her right, Orihime Inoue. After seeing the Council of Minor Characters do so well and the Council of Perverts totally fail at everything, Rangiku had decided to make her own council, recruiting the two prettiest people she knew, besides herself, of course.<p>

"Ooh! Ooh! I have an idea!" Orihime said, raising her hand. "Uryu and Rukia!"

"The meeting hasn't started yet-"

"Write it down, Yumichika! We don't need organization!"

Yumichika rolled his eyes and wrote down the first pairing down. He was the secretary for the group, which was really one of the reasons Rangiku had chosen him. He was organized and he did paperwork. Councils did paperwork sometimes.

"Now, who next…"

* * *

><p>Izuru Kira was walking around the Seireitei, being depressed as usual, when someone grabbed him and drug him into the nearest building. Said person let go of him, and he turned to look. It was Yumichika, who was fixing the slight crookedness of his shihakusho.<p>

"We couldn't decide for you!" Rangiku said, bounding out of the shadows. "Yumichika wanted you and your new significant other to look good together, Orihime wanted someone cheerful to balance out your depressing nature, and I wanted to satisfy my inner yaoi fangirl! So, you pick!"

Izuru blinked. "Uh, what?"

"First, Yumichika's pick – Soi Fon!" Orihime announced. A spotlight went on Soi Fon, who was trapped in the vines of Yumichika's zanpakuto so she wouldn't run away. She glared. Izuru flinched.

"Orihime's pick – Kiyone Kotetsu!" Orihime continued. Kiyone waved. Izuru was still flinching from Soi Fon's glare.

"And Rangiku's pick… Shuhei Hisagi!"

Shuhei looked like he really didn't want to be there, but he was just doing it for Rangiku. Izuru stopped flinching from Soi Fon's glare long enough to wave. Then went back to flinching.

"So, who do you pick?" Rangiku asked, getting far too close to his face. "You should pick Shuhei."

"Uh, no thank you," he said. "Can I just leave?"

"Not before you pick!"

"Fine. Uh. Third Seat Kotetsu?"

"Works for me!"

* * *

><p>Next, they shoved Uryu in Rukia in a closet. Nothing really happened, so they left, forgetting all about the two.<p>

"We should do something romantic next, instead of just shoving people in closets," Yumichika said. "We should send some Soul Reapers on date."

"But Soul Reapers are getting boring! Let's go to Hueco Mundo, kidnap some Arrancar, and force them together!" Rangiku suggested.

"I'm going to go check on Kiyone and Izuru," Orihime said, running off in a random direction. Yumichika blinked. Well. That was certainly odd.

Sneaking into Hueco Mundo and kidnapping two Arrancar was incredibly easy, especially since they had help from a pretty Arrancar who said he wouldn't tell anyone they were there if they locked Grimmjow in his room while they were there. They did. The pretty Arrancar also gave Yumichika his phone number. Yumichika wondered why he had a phone number, but stuck it in his pocket anyway.

(Yumichika actually got quite a few numbers, but didn't tell Rangiku so she wouldn't get jealous. Especially since one of said numbers was from Grimmjow. Rangiku found Grimmjow rather attractive.)

Eventually, they settled on a tall, spoon-looking one and a dark-haired girl wearing not very many clothes. By default, they also got two blondes. They took the four to a carnival and set them loose. Spoony and No-clothes-girl went off immediately, probably to do inappropriate things. The blondes stood there, kind of at a loss of what to do.

Rangiku tried to get them to kiss multiple times – over food, on a Ferris Wheel, randomly walking down the street… but each time they just looked at her like she was crazy. Eventually, Yumichika got impatient.

"For God's sake, like this!" he said, grabbing Rangiku and kissing her.

Everyone stopped and stared.

Orihime cheered. Secretly, Rangiku and Yumichika were her OTP.

Shuhei, who was there for no apparent reason, facepalmed and left, muttering something about 'everyone gets her but me.'

Yumichika looked almost as shocked as everyone else.

Rangiku was 'in love' again.

Tesla and Menoly – the blondes – left.

Meanwhile, in their closet, Uryu and Rukia had given up trying to get out. They were just sitting there in the dark awkwardly.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry I haven't posted for the last two weeks – last week I tried, and the week before I had no time. :P But there should be weekly updates from now on.<strong>


	43. Akon and Hiyori's Fast Food Adventure

**Title: Akon and Hiyori's Fast Food Adventures**

**Words: 731**

**Summary: Why are Akon and Hiyori wandering around the World of the Living, trying out fast food restaurants? Because it's fun!**

**Requested by: TheCatWithTheHat: '****I just saw a random picture of Aizen at Taco Bell. Maybe you could do something with the Soul Reapers and/or Arrancar trying fast food restaurants...? Yeah.'**

* * *

><p>This was most certainly one of Captain Kurotsuchi's more sadistic experiments.<p>

Akon, accompanied by that _demon bitch from hell- _uh, former Lieutenant Sarugaki, had been told to sample 'fast food restaurants.' Also, different people/Shinigami/Visored/Quincy/Arrancar would drop in on them during the day, which made the thing that much worse.

He didn't even know why Hiyori was with him. Wasn't she busy not getting killed for something she couldn't help?

"Let's get this over with," Hiyori muttered, arms crossed. Akon pulled a piece of paper from his pocket, squinting to read his Captain's handwriting. Ah. McDonald's was first on the list. Well, might as well start with the most popular, right?

"McDonald's first," Akon said. Hiyori glared at him and fingered her shoe, like she wanted to hit him with it.

"Who put you in charge?"

"Captain Kurotsuchi."

"Shut up freak."

"Make me- ah, shit, you're killing my maturity," Akon muttered, rolling his eyes and pushing open the door to the McDonald's. Hiyori, after considering hitting him with her shoe again, followed, grumbling.

"What do I get?" Hiyori hissed. Akon shrugged.

"Whatever you want."

"I'm going to get the most expensive thing."

"Real mature, Sarugaki," Akon said, rolling his eyes. He was rewarded with Hiyori actually deciding to hit him with her shoe. Akon winced.

Once they got their meal and sat at a booth ("I'm not sitting on one of those stupid chairs! They look fucking uncomfortable!"), Hiyori took a bit of her food and promptly spit it out.

"Problem?" Akon asked. Hiyori made a face.

"Shitty food," she muttered.

At that moment their first guest arrived.

With sparkles.

Yes, it was Yumichika Ayasegawa.

As soon as he registered where he was, however, he made a face and the sparkles died down. "Are you actually _eating_ that?" he asked. "It doesn't even look good."

Akon, who had actually kind of been enjoying his food, shrugged. "It's okay-"

"It sucks!"

"I'd be surprised if it didn't," Ayasegawa said. "Excuse me, I need to go throw up."

He went to the bathrooms and was back a few seconds later. "Throwing up on the street would be preferable to in there!" he said. He was gone in a few minutes.

* * *

><p>"Next up – Taco Bell," Akon said. Hiyori made a face. She seemed to do that a lot. Honestly, from what he'd tasted so far, Akon kind of liked fast food. Sure, it was greasy and probably-not-healthy-at-all, but it was <em>good<em>.

Taco Bell specialized in what could be loosely called Mexican food. Ulquiorra Cifer was working. Akon blinked.

"Aren't you an Espada?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Is that a picture of Aizen?"

"Yes."

A picture of Aizen rested on the counter. Akon wasn't sure what to think about this development, but, hey, if he was working with a Visored, an Espada at Taco Bell couldn't be that bad.

Akon was not a fan of Taco Bell. Hiyori, on the other hand, devoured her food and Akon's. "Pig," Akon muttered.

He was hit with the shoe again.

* * *

><p>"Last up… Arby's," Akon said. Hiyori sighed and laid down on the middle of the sidewalk. "Come on, it's not that bad."<p>

"You don't know. It could suck as much as that McWhatever's place," Hiyori said. People were giving them weird looks. Akon rolled his eyes.

Eventually, through the use of 'This Coupon is Good for One Hit-Captain-Kurotsuchi-With-a-Shoe!', Akon got Hiyori into Arby's.

"Ah, shit, let's just get the mozzarella sticks," he said. He really did not have the patience to eat another full meal with this demon bitch from hell. He didn't even have enough left in him to correct himself. And, honestly, she was a demon bitch from hell.

"Holy shit," Hiyori said after taking a bite of one of the mozzarella sticks. "These are…"

"I don't even…"

"It's…"

"Temporary truce until there's only one left," Akon said. Hiyori nodded.

Mizuiro Kojima, who had secretly spiked the mozzarella sticks with some sort of potion-or-possibly-poison-thing, smirked. He couldn't wait until they only had one left. Then the fun would really begin.

As he'd figured, when Akon and Hiyori got to the last mozzarella stick, they glanced at each other, glanced at the food, glanced at each other… then lunged for each other, Hiyori brandishing her shoe and Akon hoping that he wouldn't look like too much of a douche for fighting with a girl half his size.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry I haven't been updating. xP School started, and I've just got back into the fanfiction-ing thing. <strong>

**So, yeah.  
><strong>

**It should be updated weekly again.  
><strong>


	44. The Bake Sale

**Title: The First Annual Seireitei-slash-Hueco Mundo-slash-World of the Living Bake Sale!**

**Word Count: 1028**

**Summary: Orihime has decided to host a bake sale. This should certainly turn out interesting.**

**Requested by: The Layman: "Do a chapter where Orihime throws a bake sale (and contributes..."dishes".)**

* * *

><p>"It's time for the first annual Seireitei-slash-Hueco Mundo-slash-World of the Living Bake Sale!" Orihime cheered. Everyone just looked at her. "Well, not yet, but in a week! I need people to help me with the baking and stuff! Sign-up sheet's over there!"<p>

* * *

><p>There were three sign-up sheets – one in the World of the Living, one in the Seireitei, and one in Hueco Mundo.<p>

"Hm…" Yumichika said, glancing at the sign-up sheet. "Ikkaku! Can you bake cupcakes that I can decorate and pretend that I made?"

"Yeah, whatever," Ikkaku said, shrugging. "Want me to make the frosting, too?"

"Yeah!" Yumichika said, grinning. Ikkaku rolled his eyes. "They'll be beautiful."

The two left and Hanataro wandered up. He glanced at the sign-up sheet, thought about it for a little bit, then put himself down for whole-wheat bread. He actually had never baked bread before, but he figured it couldn't be too hard, and anyway, he could always ask someone for help. Captain Unohana surely knew how to bake bread.

A few more people signed up, most of them useless extras that really don't matter. Captain Kurotsuchi did, too, and Akon spent the rest of the evening copying the sign-up sheet exactly, only without Kurotsuchi's name on it. He had to do this three more times until Captain Kurotsuchi finally got sick of the 'stupid paper that didn't like him' and stopped trying to sign up to bake things.

* * *

><p>In Hueco Mundo, nobody was sure how they would bake things. So, Gin Ichimaru decided to hold an emergency baking class. Enrolled were all the Espada – apart from Stark, who couldn't bother to get out of bed and Barragan, who decided that such things were beneath him – their fracciones, Loly and Menoly, and Luppi Antenor.<p>

"Okay, let's do this!" Gin said, grinning wider when he saw Grimmjow look distrustfully at Luppi, who was humming a One Direction song and painting a picture of a flower with the blood of his enemies.

"How is he alive?" Grimmjow asked.

"How are you alive?" Gin countered.

"Hey, I'm not dead."

"How am I alive?"

"Yeah, me too! Didn't that fuckin' Kenpachi kill me?" Nnoitra asked, using Tesla's head as an armrest. Tesla, who wasn't actually confirmed killed, rolled his eyes.

"Okay, okay, enough of this," Aizen said. He was actually enrolled as a 'student', but he was getting sick of this, so he decided to just be in charge. "Luppi, stop being creepy. Grimmjow, stop complaining. All of you dead people, you're not dead for this purposes of this thing. So. Are we going to do this or not?"

Five minutes later the room was evacuated because Luppi had been distracted while stirring his cookie dough and the spoon had flown out of his hand and hit a button that made flames shoot from all sides of the refrigerator (don't ask why). Luppi was on fire, but nobody paid much attention to him, except Apacci, who kept yelling at him to "Stop drop and roll!"

* * *

><p>When Mizuiro saw the sign-up sheet, he called his handy baker ninja friends. "Yes, yes, we need six cakes. I'll give you creative liberty with the flavor and style. Just have them done by next Friday," he said.<p>

Mizuho Asano, who was one of Mizuiro's baker ninja friends, decided to bake a portrait of her and Ikkaku on the top of the cake she made. Mizuiro's other baker ninja friends decided that she was crazy and kicked her out of the Super-Secret Baker Ninjas group.

Mizuho decided to bake the cake anyway.

* * *

><p>"Eggs," Grimmjow said. Luppi handed him an egg. "Egg<em>s<em>, idiot. That means more than one."

Luppi handed him two more eggs.

"Blood of a Shinigami born on the 27th of March."

Luppi wandered over to Izuru Kira (let's not mention how Gin lured him into Hueco Mundo. The poor Arrancar that witnessed it was going to have nightmares for months.), slashed his arm open, and waited for his bowl to fill up.

"Hurry up!"

"It's not my fault this is a big bowl!"

"I don't need an entire bowlful," Grimmjow said. With that, Luppi shrugged and wandered back, the bowl of Izuru blood nearly spilling all over. Izuru tried frantically to stop his bleeding.

"Can someone help me?" he asked.

"The pinkie of a Visored."

Luppi skipped over to Mashiro and chopped off her pinkie.

"The heart of a strangely overpowered substitute Shinigami."

"That's oddly specific!"

"The death of an annoying black-haired, purple-eyed Arrancar," Grimmjow said. Luppi blinked, then looked at the recipe.

"Hey, it doesn't say that!"

* * *

><p>"Wow, I got a really good turnout!" Orihime said, looking at all the stuff people had baked for her sale. The cookies Grimmjow and Luppi had made looked especially good. "I don't think there's going to be room for my stuff!"<p>

Orihime seemed to have taken cooking tips from 'How to Eat Fried Worms' and had made all of her dishes (gummy) worm based. Or at least most of them were just gummy worms.

Yumichika, who was re-organizing the table so that his beautiful cupcakes were in the center, looked at Orihime's creation and wrinkled his nose. "What is _that_?" he asked. Orihime thought for a bit.

"Uh… I don't have a name for it yet! Taste it!" Orihime said, shoving it at his face. Yumichika left in a hurry. "Hm, I wonder if he's sick…"

Rangiku, who had helped Orihime with her baking, skipped over, leaving a trail of unconscious men (and an unconscious Chizuru) behind her. "Ooh, that looks good!" she said. "Can I have it?"

"Well… you can have one of them," Orihime said. "I don't think we'll be able to fit all of it on the tables we have, anyway."

* * *

><p>Jushiro Ukitake bought most of the things from the bake sale. He even bought one of Orihime's creations, though Chad tried to warn him about it. Fortunately for him, Kiyone and Sentaro had gotten ahold of it, argued over who was going to eat it to protect the captain, and eventually decided to split it in half.<p>

Both of them were going to be in the Fourth for a while.

* * *

><p><strong>And there we go!<strong>

**You know, now I really like the idea of Grimmjow and Luppi cooking things…**


	45. Manga

**Title: Manga**

**Word Count: 474**

**Summary: Rukia Kuchiki has accidentally left behind her manga in Ichigo's closet. Oops.**

**Requested by: The Layman: "Do a chapter about Rukia's manga collection (if you haven't already.)"**

* * *

><p>Ichigo Kurosaki had no idea why his closet was overflowing with manga. Rukia had supposedly cleaned out all of her stuff, which made the whole thing even weirder. Didn't those two Visoreds like manga? The weird ones that he didn't associate with ever?<p>

Ah, whatever. He'd pack it up and send it over to the Visored warehouse. They could do whatever they wanted with it.

* * *

><p>Lisa split the manga into different piles – saving a few for herself, of course – and send one of them to Rose at the Third Division.<p>

Izuru Kira, upon seeing the sort of manga that was in the box, fainted.

Rose heard the thud Izuru's unconscious body made while hitting the floor and decided to investigate. He was quite satisfied with the manga that Lisa had chosen to send to him and skipped away, patting the unconscious Izuru on the head before going to read them without Love spoiling the ending for him.

* * *

><p>Rukia was freaking out. She couldn't find her manga anywhere. What if Byakuya had found it? What if Ichigo had found it? What if Captain Ukitake had found it?<p>

Her worrying was interrupted by a knock on the door. She nearly had a heart attack, and then answered the door. On the other side was a very pale Izuru holding a box. "C-Captain Otoribashi said to return these to you. He enjoyed reading them and suspects that Love has some as well, because there were a few missing. Thank you for letting him borrow them."

Rukia blinked as Izuru walked away. Somehow he made walking look depressing.

On another note, the new Captain Otoribashi had enjoyed reading them. Maybe she should start a Council of Manga-Readers.

* * *

><p>"Let the first meeting of the Council of Manga-Readers begin!" Rukia said. They were meeting in the room below Urahara's shop, as the councils tended to do. To her right was Rojuro Otoribashi. To her left was Luppi Antenor, who was there because, being dead, he had nothing better to do. Izuru was the doorkeeper.<p>

It was a pretty small meeting.

"First order of business – we need more members!"

Luppi released and skipped off. He came back with eight people – Yumichika Ayasegawa, Mizuiro Kojima, Love Aikawa who probably should have been there in the first place, Tesla Lindocruz, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Rangiku Matsumoto, Mila-Rose, and Menoly.

"Okay. That works," Rukia said, nodding. "Now let's just talk about our favorite manga."

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, back at the Kuchiki house, Byakuya saw the box that Love had sent back to Rukia. Being the smart guy he is, he decided to make sure that it wasn't a bomb.<p>

While Izuru Kira had fainted at just a manga that decided to go for the fanservice, Love had slipped in some yaoi manga.

_Serious _yaoi manga.

Byakuya was stunned.

He didn't move from that spot for days.

* * *

><p><strong>I may stop updating randomly throughout the month of November. Because of NaNoWriMo. It all depends on how much I get written ahead of time.<strong>


	46. The Science Fair

**Title: The Science Fair**

**Word Count: 1109**

**Summary: Urahara wants two things – to do another 'social experiment' and also to host a science fair in his basement. Why not do both?**

**Requested by: madin456: ****"Maybe have some shinigami and arrancar visit Karakura High School and end up doing a team project together? Along with some of the humans, of course :3"**

* * *

><p>"Alright," Urahara said, halfway talking to himself. "It's time for another social experiment."<p>

"Don't involve Soi Fon in this one," Yoruichi advised. Urahara looked at her.

"You involved Soi Fon in the last one."

"Well, don't involve me."

"…Fine," Urahara said. "But, this time should be more fun. Instead of just two people that have probably never met, I'm going to put four conflicting personalities together and make them do a project! A science project!"

"Of course it's a science project," Yoruichi muttered.

"Now, a human, a Shinigami, a Visored, and a Arrancar for each group…"

* * *

><p><strong>GROUP ONE: TATSUKI ARISAWA, AKON, HIYORI SARUGAKI, NNOITRA JIRUGA<strong>

In order to get this social experiment to work, Urahara set up rooms in his basement.

In the first room was two groups of people who did not get along – one because they'd been part of a previous 'social experiment', and the others because… well, they just didn't get along.

As soon as Tatsuki woke up, she saw Nnoitra.

"_You_."

Nnoitra didn't recognize her at first.

Then he did.

"_You."_

Akon and Hiyori hadn't bothered with the glaring and were already trying to kill each other. You'd think that Akon would have gained some maturity, seeing as he was fairly mature when he was younger, but Hiyori brought out the 'I don't care if I'm like two feet taller than her she's a _demon bitch from hell_' in him.

"What are we doing here this time?" Tatsuki wondered. Akon paused his fight with Hiyori and handed Tatsuki a piece of paper.

"A science experiment," Tatsuki said after skimming over the paper. Nnoitra looked at it over her head. "Well, this sucks."

* * *

><p><strong>GROUP TWO: MIZUIRO KOJIMA, YUMICHIKA AYASEGAWA, KENSEI MUGURUMA, LUPPI ANTENOR<strong>

"This group isn't as dysfunctional, but it'll work," Urahara muttered, not realizing that he was currently broadcasting what he was saying to said group.

Mizuiro, who had already read the paper that was on the single table in their room, rolled his eyes.

"Alright," Kensei said, cracking his knuckles. "Human kid, what're we supposed to do?"

"I'm not doing anything," Luppi said, crossing his arms and sitting down on the floor. Yumichika looked disgusted.

"Why aren't you doing anything? If anyone shouldn't be doing anything, it's me. I'm beautiful, and beautiful people don't do science," Yumichika said. "Look at the Twelfth. I don't think they have a single beautiful person there."

"Well, maybe I'm not doing anything because you're all my enemy!" Luppi said.

"Yeah, aren't you dead?"

"I don't even know anymore."

Kensei and Mizuiro looked at the two, looked at each other, and decided that they could just work together.

* * *

><p><strong>GROUP THREE: ORIHIME INOUE, SOSUKE AIZEN, SHINJI HIRAKO, MOMO HINAMORI, <strong>

"Captain Aizen!"

"Oh no," Aizen muttered. He turned around and, sure enough, there was Momo Hinamori, grinning and practically sparkling.

"_Aizen."_And there was Shinji.

Oh, Orihime Inoue was in the corner of the room, reading a piece of paper that looked like it could be important. Aizen dismissed Momo and Shinji and – after prying Momo's arms off of his waist – took the paper from Orihime.

"Urahara, of course," Aizen said. "It appears that all we have to do is create a science project. Everything we need will be given to us. I knew this was going to happen, of course. It was all in my plan."

"Nobody believes that, you know," Shinji said.

"Shut up."

* * *

><p><strong>GROUP ONE<strong>

Tatsuki had set Hiyori against Nnoitra and was currently trying to figure out what kind of science project they had to do with Akon. Akon was being no help, as all he wanted to do was dissect things.

"Fine," Tatsuki said, sighing. "Fine, we can dissect…"

"An Arrancar…"

They both looked at Nnoitra.

Twenty minutes later, Tesla Lindocruz was being lowered into their little room. Akon rubbed his hands together. "Excellent…"

* * *

><p><strong>GROUP TWO<strong>

"Let's make a volcano," Mizuiro suggested.

"Sounds good."

* * *

><p><strong>GROUP THREE<strong>

"I suggest that we do a psychological experiment," Aizen said, nodding. Momo, who was hugging him, nodded and hugged him tighter. Shinji shrugged.

"Okay," Orihime said.

"Ah, what the hell," Shinji said. "Whatever. As long as you just do it."

"Urahara! I need test subjects!" Aizen yelled. A few minutes later, the entire fourth division, minus Retsu Unohana, was lowered into their room. "_Perfect."_

* * *

><p>"Yoruichi, would you judge with me?" Urahara asked. Yoruichi shook her head. "But I can't be the only judge!"<p>

"You can't have two judges. You need an odd number."

"I'll be another one."

Standing in the doorway was Gin Ichimaru.

"Yeah, how about no," Urahara said.

Their other judge was Ichigo Kurosaki, because he's the protagonist and he had to appear sometime, right?

* * *

><p>It was a very small science fair – three groups, three projects. Nnoitra and Hiyori killed each other in the distance while Akon explained what he had learned about the insides of Arrancar and Tatsuki tried very hard not to throw up. Urahara liked this project. Yoruichi and Ichigo… not so much.<p>

Next was Mizuiro and Kensei – Yumichika and Luppi were still in that room, sitting on the floor and complaining – and their volcano. They made said volcano blow up. Nobody really had a problem with their project, and Kensei debated killing Mizuiro so that Mizuiro could be a Shinigami in his division because Mizuiro was very… _chill._ And he liked having chill people in his division.

Last up was Aizen, Momo – who was still hugging him – Orihime, and Shinji. There were several shocked, fourth division members sitting on chairs. They wouldn't speak.

Nobody really liked this project.

After a brief conference between the judges – or, Yoruichi and Ichigo convincing Urahara that Akon's project was not first place material – the prizes were awarded.

"First place goes to, uh, Mizuiro and Kensei for their volcano," Ichigo said. Mizuiro and Kensei were happy. They collected their prize money and, splitting it between the two of them, left the premises.

"Second place goes to Akon," Ichigo said. Akon smiled and turned off the video camera that he'd set up so that Captain Kurotsuchi could watch his experiment and took his money. Orihime healed Tesla.

"And third place goes to Chad."

Chad was very happy, because he never gets any recognition. Momo stopped hugging Aizen long enough to glare at the judges. Orihime was sad for a moment, then got over it. Shinji shrugged and went back to whatever he had been doing.

"It's okay," Aizen said. "It's all- a- part of my… my plan."

He left before anyone realized that he was in fact very sad with the fact that he had not gotten any place at all and was actually crying.

* * *

><p><strong>Perhaps not what madin meant, but it works anyway. Cx<strong>

**Anyway! I have finished my NaNo early! I finished at around 67k, which is about 13k more than last year, in around the same amount of time. I actually hit 50k on the fourteenth, I believe it was, but then it took me about a week to get the next 17k in.**

**So, anyway. I should be updating regularly from now on, but…**

**I think this'll be ending soon-ish. Probably at around fifty chapters. **


	47. The Cooking Show

**Title: The Cooking Show**

**Word Count: 891**

**Summary: Orihime has called Grimmjow and Luppi to star on a show in her new cooking channel. But Grimmjow and Luppi can never cooperate, can they?**

**Requested by: TheCatWithTheHat: "****The scene with Grimmjow and Luppi was easily the funniest thing I have read all week. Please do more of them. Maybe Orihime likes their cookies so much she decides to enroll them in culinary school or something. XD"**

* * *

><p>Grimmjow was just taking a nap when… <em>he <em>bounded in. He, meaning the sixth Espada for like three episodes. He, meaning the one that Grimmjow had mistaken for a girl once. He, meaning Luppi Antenor.

"What do you want?" Grimmjow asked before Luppi could start talking. "Please go away."

"You're no fun," Luppi pouted, and threw an envelope on his face. He then proceeded to blow him a kiss and give him the finger, all while humming generic pop music. Grimmjow blinked, then decided to focus his efforts on the envelope.

He ripped it open, ripping the letter inside in half in the process. He threw the half that he figured he didn't need away, and read the half that he did have.

Hm. Something about him and cooking and Orihime Inoue.

Okay.

Well, he'd head to the World of the Living. Or the Soul Society. Wherever this place was, he didn't know where the cooking place was.

It took him about thirty seconds to pack, considering the fact that he was an Espada and didn't have very many material possessions other than his sword and his uniform and also a ball of yarn that he kept hidden away from everyone. He kept that in a secret pocket in his pants. Nobody could ever see his secret ball of yarn. They would probably kick him off of the Espada for good, and then Luppi would be the new Sixth Espada for more than three episodes before someone got sick of him and killed him.

Again.

Well, now wasn't the time to think about that. He checked to make sure that his yarn was in place and went to the World of the Living.

* * *

><p>Luppi, unlike Grimmjow, had more to pack than a single ball of yarn. And he'd read the entire letter, so he knew where he was going, so he had more time to pack.<p>

Hm, he should bring that catnip to seduce Grimmjow. And a ball of yarn to keep Grimmjow interested. And those cat ears so that he could a) look adorable and b) make Grimmjow think that he was not, in fact, an octopus and was a cat. Like Grimmjow. Kindred spirits?

Oh, whatever. He grabbed his suitcase and headed to Urahara's Basement.

* * *

><p>Orihime was waiting. She'd sent out invitations to her favorite cooking duos so that she could create a cooking channel. She already had all of the technical stuff figured out, and she had both Aizen and the Shinigami Women's Association sponsoring her, so all she needed was her people to come.<p>

Luppi showed up, suitcase in one hand, sword in the other. He looked like he was ready for someone to leap out and attack him, which seemed likely, seeing as he was an Arrancar in Karakura Town, where many people who liked to kill Arrancar resided. He set his suitcase down and smiled at Orihime. "Hello!" he said.

"Hi!" Orihime said. She smiled brightly and, even though she was basically the one that had killed Luppi, Luppi didn't actually want to murder her with every fiber of his being.

…Okay, maybe that was a lie. But she was bringing him closer to Grimmjow, so he would hold off on the murdering for a little bit.

He could just murder her in his head.

* * *

><p>When Grimmjow finally found where he was supposed to be, he was overwhelmed with the scent of catnip. He dropped to all fours, the ball of yarn rolling out of his pants, and followed the scent of catnip to someone wearing a Karakura High School girl's uniform with black hair.<p>

Only a girl would be wearing a Karakura High School girl's uniform, right?

He leaped and brought the other person to the ground.

It was Luppi.

"Again?" Grimmjow howled.

* * *

><p>After many mishaps involving Grimmjow getting distracted because Luppi smelled like catnip, they finally got everything set up.<p>

"So, what're we making?" Grimmjow asked. Orihime thought for a little bit.

"Pie."

"Pie?

"Pie."

"I know the perfect recipe!" Luppi said, grinning. Everyone edged away from him, and he skipped away to get the ingredients, which, like his cookies, involved Izuru Kira.

Thank god that Gin was Luppi's friend, or they never would've gotten Izuru out of the shower.

* * *

><p>"First we need pie crust," Grimmjow said. Luppi threw frozen pie crust at him. "This is frozen!"<p>

"It's called frozen pie crust for a reason!"

"You'll be frozen pie crust in a minute if you don't _shut up_," Grimmjow threatened. Luppi rolled his eyes and went to go get some more Izuru blood.

It seemed that blood from Izuru Kira is what made good food.

Orihime didn't seem disturbed in the least, watching Urahara film it and watching Gin stalk the snack table and wave at Izuru, who was tied to a chair and gagged. Izuru looked very panicked. Nobody else seemed too worried.

Meanwhile, back on the set of the show Grimmjow and Luppi got in a food fight. And also Izuru-blood fight. Thankfully, it was after the pie was in the oven, so it was all good.

And then the scent of Luppi, covered in blood and catnip, drove Grimmjow to bite a chunk of flesh out of his arm. Luppi screamed. Grimmjow, when he realized what he was doing, screamed.

"That's a wrap!" Orihime said cheerfully.

* * *

><p><strong>Actually, this might not end at fifty chapters… <strong>

**I'm not sure. It ends when it ends, but it'll be at least fifty chapters. **


	48. Awkward

**Title: Awkward**

**Word Count: 662**

**Summary: It's time for Ichigo to profess his love for Rukia… somehow… and… kind of…**

**Requested by: Peridot0814: DO AN ICHIRUKI ONE!**

* * *

><p>She really had changed his life, hadn't she? Before she'd come he'd been a fairly normal fifteen year old boy, going to highschool, dealing with people… of course, he'd been able to see ghosts, but he'd figured that he would have eventually ignored that. Or been killed as an effect of that particular ability.<p>

But then everything changed when the fire nation attacked-

Hold on, hold on, wrong fandom.

But then everything had changed when Rukia had shown up. She'd opened him up to an entire new world, he'd met fantastic people… but still, he couldn't help but wonder how different life would be if she hadn't shown up. Would his life have been at least semi-normal? Would he have at least had a girlfriend by now – of course, it wasn't like he was spending time looking for a girlfriend, he was too busy killing stuff – or would he have been asexual Ichigo as always?

But, wait, he wasn't asexual Ichigo at this point. He was inner monologue-ing about his inner love for Rukia Kuchiki, because that's what the fangirls want, so that's what he's going to do.

Okay, enough chipping away at the fourth wall. Let's get back to what we were talking about.

Rukia Kuchiki. Such a beauty couldn't be found anywhere else. Except maybe that girl from Durarara!-

Okay, okay, he really needed a better way of going through this. Maybe some interaction, some dialogue, something other than this stupid inner monologue.

"Hey, Rukia," Ichigo said. He was in his Shinigami form, of course. Zangetsu strapped against his back, grinning because Ichigo's grin his incredibly adorable and fantastic. Rukia, who was actually working on something fairly important, glanced up, a bit annoyed.

"Hi, Ichigo," she said, then returned to whatever she was working on, which was fairly important but not important to be specified. "What are you doing here?" She paused, looking around. "Hold on, what am I doing here?

They were in Hueco Mundo, for some reason. Perhaps so that the author could shove some TeslaHime into this, because what's an IchiRuki without a jealous Orihime? And what to do better with Orihime than shove her with Tesla?

Well, there's lots better you could do with an Orihime, but not in this situation.

"You know, I'm not sure," Ichigo said, ignoring the prolonged silence that had just happened because the author was quite possibly rambling. Oh look, there it goes again. "Should we head to the big meeting room and… kill Aizen or something?"

Rukia thought about it for about half a second, then shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"

Orihime, who was jealous as this type of fanfiction dictates, followed them. There was a massive timeskip in which everyone got to Los Noches and then suddenly they were all in the big meeting room.

While the Espada were having a meeting.

…Yeah, they probably could have timed it better.

Grimmjow immediately jumped up and challenged Ichigo to a fight. Ichigo had more important matters on his mind, such as just how he was going to confess his love for Rukia, so he declined. This did not make Grimmjow happy, but Aizen, who was a pretty hardcore IchiRuki shipper, crushed Grimmjow with his spiritual pressure until Grimmjow agreed to postpone the fighting.

Orihime hadn't actually made it inside, and she met up with Tesla outside of the meeting room and they skipped off and eventually fell in love and had many Human-Arrancar mix babies. Nobody's quite sure how this worked.

But it did.

Anyway, Ichigo and Rukia headed off. Gin so helpfully provided them with a room. The two, who were both feeling more than slightly awkward, sat on the bed. Ichigo glanced at Rukia. "Uh," he said. "Hi."

"You already said hi."

"Oh, right," Ichigo said. "Well. I know they say you should 'accept no substitute,' but I'm hoping you'll make an exception for me."

"What?" Rukia asked.

"Uh, just something I stole from a website," Ichigo said.

"Okay."

* * *

><p><strong>I'm just posting this today because tomorrow and the few days after that I'll be gone. :) So, early update for The Soul Society Tales.<strong>


	49. Curiousity is Not Necessarily Good

**Title: Curiosity is Not Necessarily A Good Thing  
><strong>

**Word Count: 282**

**Summary: Rukia has gotten a laptop and enjoys reading fanfictions. Byakuya does not enjoy these fanfictions.**

**Requested by: Enzy-chan: "****I have a good one! It is about ByakuyaxIchigo yaoi fanfictions. Byakuya gets a hold of Rukias new laptop and looks at the dirty yaoi fanfictions she reads!**"

* * *

><p>Byakuya Kuchiki was curious.<p>

Rukia had gotten a device from the world of the living that was providing her with hours upon hours of entertainment. She did put it away before she went to work – most of the time – but she was constantly 'pulling all-nighters' and, lately, she'd been bringing it to meals with her.

This was not behavior appropriate for a Kuchiki, so Byakuya decided to see what, exactly was so fascinating about her shiny box.

One day, he stole her shiny box and went to the world of the living to consult an expert on human things – Kisuke Urahara. He taught Byakuya how to work the shiny box, told him that it was not called 'shiny box' and in fact had a name (laptop), and sent him to go figure out what Rukia had been looking at.

It took Byakuya a while to figure out how to see what Rukia had been doing – eventually he got onto the 'web browser' and realized that clicking history would tell him what she'd been doing.

They all seemed to lead to the same place – 'fanfiction dot net.'

Byakuya was intrigued.

And then he scrolled down the 'archive' that Rukia had been going through and frowned. These were the names of people that he knew. Kurosaki, Inoue, Kurotsuchi… wait a minute.

Byakuya K.

That couldn't be…

He needed to investigate this. After momentary confusion about which button he needed to click, he clicked on the title. He didn't bother to read the summary. After all, if it was about him it had to be good, right?

Oh.

_Oh._

Was that even physically-

_Oh._

Byakuya calmly shut the laptop, drew his zanpakuto, and Senbonzakura'd it.

* * *

><p><strong>Okay, this chapter was kind of crappy.<strong>


	50. The End

**Title: The End**

**Word Count: 898**

**Summary: A party to finish it off? Why not!**

* * *

><p>"Another party?" Shuhei asked, glancing over the invitation. Hanataro Yamada, who had brought him the invitation, shrugged and moved on. "It's another formal one... I wonder…"<p>

"Ask Rangiku before someone else does," Izuru said. Shuhei jumped, briefly wondered when Izuru had gotten to be standing right behind him, and moved on with his life. By that, I mean he went to plan how to ask Rangiku.

And then when he got to her door, he saw Gin talking to her. Gin Ichimaru, who was supposedly a traitor or dead or something, depending on what point in the timeline this is in. He was probably not dead, seeing as he was standing right there.

So, Shuhei tackled him out of a window. He popped up a few minutes later, bearing a flower. "Hi Rangiku," he said. He had tackled Gin into a river and, luckily for him, Gin had hit his head on a rock and was currently drowning.

"Hello…?" Rangiku asked, looking out the window just in time to see Gin get whisked away by the current. Luckily for Gin, Luppi, who is also not dead probably, pulled him out of the river before he died completely. But the important thing was that he was out of the picture and Shuhei could ask Rangiku to the party, which was held in Aizen's meeting room, as always.

"So, I was wondering if you'd like to come to the _**last party ever **_with me?" Shuhei asked. Rangiku thought about it, then shrugged.

"Why not?"

* * *

><p>The party seemed like it was a weird mix of reoccurring jokespairings/whatever in this collection of oneshots. Some guy that was totally not Kisuke Urahara sat in the corner wearing purple-themed clothes. He was setting up a therapy area. Upon seeing him, Uryu Ishida burst into tears and Nnoitra Jiruga ran over because he actually loved therapists.

Mizuiro and Tatsuki were in a weird limbo of in-a-relationship and just-friends-kind-of. On one hand, Mizuiro kept hitting on her. On another, Tatsuki kept hitting him. It was a little weird and actually kind of in-character, but nobody was really sure what was going on with them.

Akon and Hiyori were fighting with much sexual tension. Nothing was really new there.

Yumichika/Ikkaku was practically canon.

Grimmjow and Luppi were catering the event.

And Shuhei was preparing himself for another rejection.

"So," Shuhei said, trying to not look as nervous as he felt. "How are you liking this gathering so far?"

He glanced over only to find that Rangiku had disappeared. Shuhei face-palmed, then decided to look at the place that she was most certainly at – the snack table. Which probably included alcohol, if the way she was sticking around it was any indication.

It was right then that he decided that he was going to declare his love for her, embarrassment be damned. He'd tried a love note, he'd tried serenading her, he'd tried practically everything. He was just going to go for it.

And then maybe he'd go find Kensei and proclaim his love for him as well.

Wait, not love. Admiration. Extreme admiration.

He headed for the snack table, but Rangiku was gone. He did manage to find Kensei, however, and stood there stammering like an idiot until Kensei gave him a drunken hug and told him that he was a 'damn fine lieutenant.' Then Shuhei stood there, extremely red, while Kensei left, shouting at Lisa to 'get him some more goddam porn!'

He really picked the best role models, didn't he?

The next person he ran into was Yumichika, who told him that he looked 'as beautiful as he probably ever would.' Shuhei wasn't sure if that was a compliment or a threat. He decided to take it as a compliment and moved on…

Right inbetween an Akon/Hiyori fight. He managed to escape with most of his body parts. He'd lost a fingernail, and nursed it as he stumbled into totally-not-Urahara's therapy place.

"What is your problem?" totally-not-Urahara asked. Shuhei blinked and dropped to sit on the couch that had mysteriously materialized.

"Well, I'm having relationship problems-"

"No," Urahara said. "I don't do relationship problems."

Shuhei suddenly found him right in-between Rangiku and Gin. Someone who looked suspiciously like Yoruichi with a beard on grabbed Gin and took him away.

"Oh," Rangiku said. "Hello, Shuhei!"

"Uh, hi," Shuhei said, pretty sure that he was bright red already. "Uh, can I tell you something?"

"Sure!" Rangiku said. She seemed surprisingly sober. Perhaps there weren't any alcoholic beverages here.

It would be a shame if there wasn't. Shuhei was pretty sure that he'd need one to get through the rest of the night after Rangiku rejected him.

"Uh, I kind of really like you and would you like to go on a date sometime?" Shuhei asked, managing a grimace. Rangiku looked like she was thinking about it. Oh God, she was thinking about it. She wasn't just rejecting him outright. "Because you're really pretty and really funny and a really good-"

"Shuhei," Rangiku said. "Shut up."

"I'm sorry."

And then Rangiku kissed him. He was fairly certain that she was sober. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God, finally.

"Yeah," Rangiku said, after she'd finished kissing him. "Yeah, I think I will go on that date with you."

The next noise heard in the room was the _thud_! of Shuhei Hisagi hitting the ground in a dead faint.

* * *

><p><strong>And there we go. The very last chapter of The Soul Society Tales. This has been going on for over a year. So. Yeah. I'm still kind of surprised that this got over two-hundred reviews. Not sure how that happened. :)<strong>

**But, uh, yeah. **

**Good-bye?**

**This is kind of sad. **


End file.
